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Why Your Kid’s Bad Behavior May Be a Good Thing

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There was a moment over Thanksgiving break when my 7-year-old bossily instructed her 76-year-old grandfather, whom she rarely sees, to “stop taking pictures and put down your camera,” and boy, I wished I could hide under the dining room table for the rest of the evening. I wondered: What kind of child am I raising? I would never have dared to speak to my grandfather that way. Am I failing as a parent if my kid is sometimes rude, or even defiant?

We all know friends or relatives who would unequivocally say, “yes.” In their generation, they say, children knew their place and respected their elders. I certainly try to teach my kids about respect, and we talk ad nauseam about table manners and saying “please” and “thank you.” Still, the relationship many parents today have with their kids feels substantially different from parent-child relationships decades ago.

Much has been written about the shift in recent years toward more intensive, child-centered parenting, and one byproduct is that many parents today are less likely to bark out orders and punish their kids. They are more likely to empathize and engage in dialogue. Because of this, many children today feel more comfortable around adults, and they are more willing to challenge them and speak up when they feel the impulse.

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https://static01.nyt.com/images/2021/12/09/well/00well-kids-misbehave-good/00well-kids-misbehave-good-jumbo.jpg?quality=75&auto=webpAmélie Fontaine

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The Nation’s Best Punter Is Changing The Game

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Matt Araiza’s favorite punt of the season was an 81-yard boomer. It wasn’t just the distance that the San Diego State junior enjoyed, but what it did to the punt returner.

“It was a moonshot,” Araiza said. “You could see on the film he basically looked like he had never seen anything like that before. He was lost. He was spinning. He wasn’t even 5 yards away from the ball when it landed. He kind of gave up on it.”

Araiza punted 73 times in San Diego State’s 12 regular-season games for an average of 51.47 yards, according to ESPN’s Stats & Information Group. That distance, if kept up through the Mountain West Championship and the Aztecs’ bowl game — or if Araiza simply stopped punting now — would earn him the Football Bowl Subdivision record over Texas A&M’s Braden Mann, who averaged 51 yards per punt in 2018. Araiza might be the biggest leg college football has ever seen, and he’s putting together the kind of season that could change how we think about punters, at least if we pay attention to why he plays the position the way he does.

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https://fivethirtyeight.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/SDSU_PUNTER_16x9.pngPHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY EMILY SCHERER / REUTERS

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The Nation’s Best Punter Is Changing The Game

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Brisbane, Australia

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Brisbane sited on the Meanjin is the capital and most populous city of the Australian state of Queensland, and the third-most populous city in Australia. Brisbane’s metropolitan area has a population of around 2.6 million, and it lies at the center of the South East Queensland metropolitan region, which encompasses a population of around 3.8 million. The Brisbane central business district is situated within a peninsula of the Brisbane River about 15 km (9 mi) from its mouth at Moreton Bay, a bay of the Coral Sea. The metropolitan area extends in all directions along the hilly floodplain of the Brisbane River Valley between Moreton Bay and the Taylor and D’Aguilar mountain ranges. It sprawls across several of Australia’s most populous local government areas (LGAs) — most centrally the City of Brisbane, the most populous LGA in the nation.

The city is named for the Brisbane River on which it stands, which is in turn named for Sir Thomas Brisbane, the governor of New South Wales at the time of the city’s founding. The Moreton Bay penal settlement was founded in 1824 at Redcliffe as a place for secondary offenders from the Sydney colony and soon moved to North Quay in 1825. Christian missionaries established Zion Hill in 1838, and by 1842 the region opened to free settlement. Brisbane was chosen as the capital when Queensland separated from New South Wales in 1859, and by the late 19th century had grown into a major port city and center of immigration. During World War II, Brisbane played a central role in the Allied campaign and served as the southwest Pacific headquarters for United States Army General Douglas MacArthur.

Brisbane is classified as a global city (Beta +), and is an advanced center of research and innovation in the Asia-Pacific. The city is promoted as Australia’s capital of technology, with strengths in mining research and green energy, medicine and biotechnology, cryptocurrency and digital industries, and robotics. A transportation hub, Brisbane is served by a large suburban rail network and popular bus and ferry networks, as well as Australia’s largest and busiest airport, and the third-largest seaport. The financial district is centered on Eagle Street.

A diverse city with 32.2% of its metropolitan population being foreign-born, the city consistently ranks as one of the world’s most liveable cities. Noted for its rich culture and history, the city is home to numerous museums and galleries, events and festivals, theatre and music, city art and public monuments, and historic buildings. Brisbane is known for its distinct Queenslander architecture, its spring Jacaranda blossoms, and its outdoor dining and cuisine culture. Brisbane has hosted major events including the 1982 Commonwealth Games, World Expo 88, and the 2014 G20 summit, and will host the 2032 Summer Olympics and Paralympics. Wikipedia

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An image from Brisbane, Australia

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The Dangerous Pattern One Therapist Sees in New Fathers

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After months of obsessive preparation for fatherhood, I brought my wife to her breaking point within a single day of our first son arriving home, an experience I recently detailed in Slate. The months that followed were a fog that’s familiar to many new parents, but despite my baby-book reading and spreadsheeting, I found myself unprepared for the specific malaise that hovered over me as a first-time father. That caused deeper problems at home.

This story is familiar to Justin Lioi. He is a clinical social worker and psychotherapist based in New York, and many of his clients are new dads dealing with acute anxiety or worse. He understands better than most how issues with mental health and depression can be particularly tricky among men conditioned to bottle up their feelings, which is why he keeps a “Help My Partner” portal on his website. In my essay, he helped me pin down exactly what I was feeling and also why some new dads never reckon with their complicated reactions to having kids, leading to more problems down the line. Lioi had a lot of useful insight, so I’m publishing the full interview here, which has been condensed and edited for clarity.

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https://compote.slate.com/images/2fda6a51-f521-4750-a09c-ee402f2e39f9.jpeg?width=840&rect=1560x1040&offset=0x0jacoblund/iStock/Getty Images Plus 

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Why Are We So Awful to Our Spouses?

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When my oldest child started preschool, I was thrilled to get reports that she was following the rules, playing nicely with others, and just generally being her best, sparkly self.

Truthfully, I was also sort of surprised because at home — well. Most afternoons she’d tumble through the door in tears and wailing, usually not because of anything in particular. It was just her being out of sorts, annoyed at being denied some small indulgence, peeved at the need to wear a coat/shoes/pants.

This is apparently “after-school restraint collapse,” a term coined by a Canadian psychotherapist and teacher. For my daughter, after holding it all in and together throughout the day — not screaming at the teachers or kids about something minor, staying focused on the various directives coming her way — after school was when she’d run out of gas, and in the presence of her family, she was letting her freak flag fly. She was safe at home and giving us her very worst. It’s a fairly common thing, too, and hardly unexpected given that certain emotional resources aren’t infinite, especially when they’re still in the developmental phase. That said, it may never actually go away for most of us.

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https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/4c3/a62/b02ed59c04a926fcf732354cdc90abc575-GettyImages-88804035.rhorizontal.w700.jpgPhoto: Camerique/Getty Images

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https://www.thecut.com/2021/12/taking-out-frustrations-on-partners-spouses.html

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Phraya Nakhon Cave Thailand

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The magnificent Phraya Nakhon Cave is one of the most mystical and mysterious landmarks of Thailand but only a few travelers get a chance to take a picture of it. The reason is simple: this gold and green pavilion is hidden inside a hard-to-reach cave and only a handful of dedicated visitors will do the effort to visit it. Those who do are rewarded with a stunning vision that looks like it’s straight out of an Indiana Jones movie.

Phraya Nakhon Cave is located in the Khao Sam Roi Yot National Park in Prachuap Khiri Khan province, a 45 minutes drive south of Hua Hin. First step to reach the cave is to drive to the small village of Bang Pu located by the beach, and from there decide if you’d rather rent a boat to take you around the cape to Laem Sala beach, or walk a 30 minutes trek above the hill leading to the same Laem Sala beach. Since the boat ride only costs 150 to 200 baht per person and considering that you still will have to climb 430 m of uneven and steep steps we recommend you save your energy and take this short ride to the cave.

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An image from Phraya Nakhon Cave Thailand

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How to Make Kids Comfortable in Their Own Bodies

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A few days ago, my 4-year-old lifted up her shirt, pointed to her belly, and said, “Mommy, why is my tummy so big?” My heart skipped a beat, and I thought, This can’t be happening already. A moment later it occurred to me that she was probably (hopefully?) asking an innocent question about why the size of her stomach changes throughout the day, but I was nevertheless mortified. Recently my daughter has been asking me more and more whether she’s pretty and if she looks like a princess. She’s clearly getting the message from our society that looks and body size matter—even at the age of 4.

She’s not alone. Research suggests that preschool- and elementary-age children are more dissatisfied with their bodies now than ever before, that girls as young as 3 already perceive heaviness as “bad” and thinness as “good,” and that more than one-third of 5-year-old girls restrict their eating in order to stay thin.

If the pressure to be thin doesn’t seem like a big deal in itself, consider that kids who are dissatisfied with their bodies are more likely than others to become depressed and develop eating disorders or other dangerous habits. We constantly discuss the need to tackle the crisis of childhood obesity, and rightfully so—but we need to remember that more kids today have eating disorders than Type 2 diabetes. Nearly 1 in 3 high school girls, and nearly 1 in 6 high school boys, have disordered eating patterns serious enough to warrant medical help; one study found that 1 in 8 girls have made herself vomit at least once in the past three months.

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https://pocket-syndicated-images.s3.amazonaws.com/5e333b5db72dc.jpegIllustration by Natalie Matthews-Ramo.

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Crossing Divides: The Friends Who Are Good for Your Brain

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Every day we are expected to make hundreds of decisions and judgements.

These range from small ones, like what to have for breakfast, to big ones like whether to take a new job.

The trouble is that our mental resources are limited – the human mind can only cope with so many things.

Given this huge challenge, we adopt mental shortcuts to function effectively. It is an approach which gets us through life, but which can also limit our growth as people.

Something as simple as thinking about the people we have around us can do a lot to change that and can even help us become more creative.

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Moara de Vânt

Să facem glume, nu război

🇲🇲Dear all peace-loving people around the world🇲🇲

In the world, human beings are facing various problems. People who are full of greed, anger, and ignorance are seen to be fighting with each other in words and deeds. As the fighting continues, various problems such as civil wars, wars of aggression, and wars of aggression are occurring. As world peace is being destroyed, humans are facing unbearable problems. Innocent children and women are not getting the rights they deserve and deserve. I can't think of one thing every time. What is it? The United Nations. If we look at the responsibilities and duties of the United Nations, I think it is not suitable for solving the problems that are happening in the world today. In fact, the United Nations and the World Security Council, such an organization must rule the world, must be able to give orders, and must have various ways to obey orders. There must be no organization that can influence more than that organization. There should be experts from each country. They can even dominate the superpowers like the US, China, and Britain. Only then will global peace be achieved quickly. Now, if a country with power develops more militarily, economically, or socially than its own country, then powerful countries will jealously seek out enemies and wage war. Or they will attack with fighter jets. In this, innocent people are losing their lives. No one understands the value of a life. You should think about how to achieve global peace by controlling these. If the US continues to be the permanent president of the UN, world peace will never be achieved. If you think carefully, no one sees that they are working for the common good, but for their own benefit, for the benefit of their own country. The permanent president of the UN and the Security Council has rejected this, As a young Rohingya, I have come to realize that only by electing the president and secretary from among the countries in the world through a secret ballot system and governing the world fairly can we achieve global peace. The United Nations and the Security Council are organizations in which any country must govern, give orders, and make them obey their orders. For example, only when a defendant is tried in court can we hold the leaders of the countries in check and control them, can we achieve global peace smoothly. Otherwise, it will not be easy for powerful countries to use various excuses to end this war every year, every year, for the benefit of themselves and their countries. No country's leaders pay any attention to the words of the United Nations and the Security Council. If we look at it in practice, look at the Rohingya issue. Myanmar is a small country. Even that country has been under siege for 8 years. What action can be taken? Why is the UN and the Security Council Powerless? Without such Power, how can the organization bring about global peace? Everyone should think about it. Whether there is a veto or a strong one, all countries in the world can only achieve global peace if they are subject to the UN and the Security Council. Seek peace in the quiet embrace of nature. Peace is an indispensable need of the human race. It is not as if one person can kill another person, and it is as if one country can attack another country, but instead of trying to build peace, we must try to destroy the peace now, and the world is getting hotter and is on the verge of collapse. I especially appeal to all the world experts to urgently try to bring about peace in all parts of the world. Mr, Noor Muhamed Arkhan Rohingya Youth Myanmar

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