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The law of reversed effort: The harder you try, the harder you fall

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You’re lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, listening to cars go by. You have no idea how long you have been like this, but it must be a few hours, at least. Go to sleep, you tell yourself. Just close your eyes and: Go. To. Sleep. You shut your eyes tight, force your body to relax, and wait for the blissful slumber to come. But, nothing happens. More minutes pass and… nothing happens. It’s 3 a.m., and you’re still staring at the ceiling.

We have all been in this situation. Try as we might, it is nearly impossible to consciously will yourself to sleep. Sleep comes to those who let their mind wander and focus on anything other than sleep itself. Count sheep, control your breathing, listen to an audiobook, or whatever — so long as it turns your mind from wanting to sleep.

This is a common and familiar example of the “law of reversed effort.”

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law of reversed effortCredit: Nuthawut / Adobe Stock

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Click the link below for the article:

https://bigthink.com/neuropsych/law-reversed-effort/

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Improving Your Ability to Learn Means Leaving Your Comfort Zone

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In grade school, I was taught that learning came from studious labor, the discipline of memorization, and retention of facts.

I carried this same mindset with me into college and later into my first job as a junior programmer. 

It wasn’t until years later when I became an entrepreneur that I came across a quote by author Josh Waitzkin that completely changed my perspective. “The key to pursuing excellence is to embrace an organic, long-term learning process, and not to live in a shell of static, safe mediocrity,” he wrote. “Usually, growth comes at the expense of previous comfort or safety.”

Since that epiphanous moment, I’ve established several practices to help me improve my ability to learn that I’d like to share with you.

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Step Out

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Click the link below for the article:

https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/423447?utm_source=pocket_discover

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Stanford Neuroscientist: How to Train Your Self-Control So You Don’t Mess Up Your Life

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I know it’s not the most pleasant activity but think for a second about your worst habits, dumbest decisions, and most nagging regrets (go on, experts insist it’s good for you). 

Some of those missteps were probably due to spectacular miscalculations. Maybe you thought the market for that product was bigger, or that potential romantic partner saner. Others may be caused by clear personal weakness. You know you should quit your safe job to run your startup full time but just can’t face your mom. But how many weren’t due to any decision at all really? You just drifted one mindless potato chip or time-wasting Instagram scroll at a time into a life that doesn’t match your aspirations? 

It’s amazing how often we fail to live up to our potential not because of fear or stupidity but because of lack of self-control. It’s tempting to think this comes down to some inborn shortage of willpower — that you are simply too lazy or unfocused for the kinds of success you dream of — but according to Stanford neuroscientist Andrew Huberman, impulse control isn’t a fixed talent. It’s an ability you can train.  

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Photo: Getty ImagesStanford Neuroscientist: How to Train Your Self-Control So You Don't Mess Up Your Life

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Click the link below for the article:

https://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/stanford-impulse-control-no-go-function.html?utm_source=pocket_discover

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6 Phrases That Will Transform Your Relationship With Your Child

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Parenting is rooted in actions. Kids learn not just by what we say, but by watching what their parents and caregivers (and eventually other kids) actually do.

Still, the words we use with our children are important. And sometimes, all it takes is the right question — or a simple tweak in how we express frustration — to really boost communication and connection. These six phrases won’t work miracles, of course, but they might just subtly change the types of conversations you’re having with your child, whether you’re looking to get them to open up more about their days, to minimize daily nagging or to just develop a more open, trusting relationship.

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https://img.huffingtonpost.com/asset/62447899210000fdec504f3e.jpeg?ops=scalefit_720_noupscale&format=webpCaia Image via Getty Images

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Click the link below for the article:

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/phrases-that-will-transform-your-relationship-with-your-child_l_6243666de4b0d8266aa4a587

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Missed News 888

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News You might have missed!

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Some news you might have missed!

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NEWS TED TALKS
John Eastman Says He Dealt Directly With Trump Over Jan. 6 Plans Erin Meezan: What nature can teach us about sustainable business
Tornado wreaks havoc in northern Michigan community Kathryn Kolbert: The end of Roe v. Wade — and what comes next
Scientists finally figured out this mind-blowing Martian mystery The Rhythm and Rhyme of Memory, Solitude, and Community | Rosanne Cash
Coronavirus Daily Briefing How to Discover Your Authentic Self — at Any Age | Bevy Smith
Your Daily AM Roundup The Likability Dilemma for Women Leaders | Robin Hauser
——————— ———————

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Seams pretty good: how to know you’re buying quality clothes

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I’m tempted to start this column by writing: a well-made garment can be elusive, but we all know it when we see it. Unfortunately, I think saying so is about as helpful as the advice, “you do you”.

The reality is, the quality of our clothes has been in steady decline since the late 1990s, when fast fashion caused production and consumption to rise and prices to plummet.

Despite this, well-made garments do exist, if you know what you’re looking for. Here, in the first of a two-part series, experts explain how to tell if a garment has been made with care and skill before you take it into the fitting room.

The initial inspection

The owner of vintage consignment store Shop Bruce, Dan Neilsenbeck, says: “The best way to assess the quality of a garment’s construction is to look inside.”

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https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/4d01c8e642b6cace4de963859631b55e6bbd1b49/0_30_4368_2621/master/4368.jpg?width=620&quality=85&auto=format&fit=max&s=d541e459f75672d933c8158a4dffabacIt is not hard to find well-made garments if you know what you’re looking for. Photograph: tomazl/Getty Images

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Click the link below for the article:

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/apr/26/seams-pretty-good-how-to-know-youre-buying-quality-clothes?utm_source=pocket_discover

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The Secret to Being More Charming (Without Being Obnoxious)

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Watching charm in action is like watching a good dancer. There’s style, control, and an effortless rhythm. That charming, likable person seemingly knows the right thing to say and do at the right moment. While captivating to watch, the display can induce jealously because it can seem like it’s an innate talent that a person either has or doesn’t possess.

But that’s not the case. Anyone can learn how to be charming. And when wielded well, charm is not the bastion of other people and the goal is not something other-worldly. In fact, the end result is actually pretty basic and applies to every relationship: to make someone feel good.

“You make the other person feel understood, valued, and loved,” says Sonja Lyubomirsky, professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside, and author of The How of Happiness. “It feels very obvious but it’s a very powerful idea.”

While charm is certainly a skill and might come easier to some — i.e. the extroverted — it doesn’t require being well-read or witty. True charm is about being present and interested in what another person has to say. Does it require effort? Like anything with a payoff, it does. But the good news is that there’s nothing definite that has to be done, although the following tips can help.

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https://images.fatherly.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/how-to-be-more-charming-header.jpg?q=65&enable=upscale&w=600Getty/Thomas Barwick

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Click the link below for the article:

https://www.fatherly.com

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Missed News 887

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NEWS NEWS
A Russian soldier on trial asks the victim’s widow to forgive him Ringling Circus Is Returning. Lions, Tigers, and Dumbo Are Not.
How to watch Boeing Starliner’s OFT-2 mission to the space station: Webcast guide Michigan election chief: Trump suggested I be arrested for treason and executed
Ellen Barkin testifies about ex Johnny Depp: ‘He’s just a jealous man, controlling’ Your Daily AM Roundup
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16 Microhabits That Will Improve Your Life 1% Everyday

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Photo by Prophsee Journals on Unsplash

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Click the link below for the article:

https://michael-lim.medium.com/16-microhabits-that-will-improve-your-life-1-everyday-98c5521b4161

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9 Ways to Foster Financial Intimacy in a New Relationship

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When assessing a potential long-term partner, many factors must be considered. Their values, emotional management, political leanings—and so much more. One facet that sometimes gets glossed over in new relationships is the subject of money. While you don’t want to kill the vibe by inquiring how much student debt they have on the first date, it is a subject that should be discussed early on.

We all have different relationships with money. Some of us are cautious-minded savers, others are profligate spenders. Some are always padding their rainy day fund; others can’t resist purchasing new stuff every paycheck. When you’re in a relationship, it’s paramount to find out how your partner operates when it comes to money—because if the relationship continues for the long haul, it will come up. A lot. Here’s how to lay the foundation for ongoing financial intimacy.

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https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fit,f_auto,g_center,pg_1,q_60,w_965/f4b7b90be716bc0515b4ee7857da3b05.jpgPhoto: LightField Studios (Shutterstock)

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Click the link below for the article:

https://lifehacker.com/9-ways-to-foster-financial-intimacy-in-a-new-relationsh-1848878428?utm_source=pocket_discover

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