James' World 2

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Rulers must be healers, and good rulers will be so; they must study to unite their subjects, and not to widen the differences that are among them. Those only are fit for government that are of a meek, quiet, healing, spirit. They must also heal the wounds that are given to any of the interests of their people, by suitable applications.  Matthew Henry Commentary

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Holly Stapleton

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A couple of years ago, following the publication of my book The Art of Decision Making (2019), I took part in the BBC Radio 4 program ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go?’ named after the 1981 hit song by the Clash. This is the question we face time and time again, whether it applies to a relationship, a job, the home we inhabit, or any other critical dilemma.

My work as an executive coach involves helping people make these tough decisions for themselves and ultimately by themselves. Unlike a mentor, this is not about giving advice. It is about giving people the tools and confidence to trust their own choices and to act upon them.

In this Guide, I will give you an overview of some of these tools and techniques, and how you can use them to accelerate and improve your decision-making.

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Photo by Raymond Depardon/Magnum

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Most of us have been told to “Cheer up” or “Look on the bright side” by well-meaning family and friends. Sometimes, it’s because they see us looking sad, angry, anxious, or frustrated, but it can also happen because we look pensive, uncertain, or just about any state other than joyful. While we may be tempted to tell them “Stuff it,” we don’t because, well, feelings.

Next time, feel free to do so (but please be polite). “Being positive has become a new form of moral correctness,” says psychologist Susan David, founder, and co-director of the Institute of Coaching at McLean Hospital of Harvard University Medical School, an instructor in psychology at Harvard, and author of Emotional Agility (read an excerpt here).

Suppressing or turning away from our difficult emotions is not healthy or helpful, says David. “What happens is, it undermines our ability to deal with the world as it is, not as we wish it to be,” she says. “This is associated with lower levels of resilience, lower levels of wellbeing, and higher levels of depression and anxiety. And it also impacts our relationships and our ability to achieve our goals.”

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Illustration by Rose Wong

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