James' World 2

Click the link below the picture

.

Writing in Esquire magazine in 1935, Ernest Hemingway offered this advice to young writers: ‘When people talk, listen completely… Most people never listen.’ Even though Hemingway was one of my teenage heroes, the realization crept up on me, somewhere around the age of 25: I am most people. I never listen.

Perhaps never was a little strong – but certainly, my listening often occurred through a fog of distraction and self-regard. On my worst days, this could make me a shallow, solipsistic presence. Haltingly, I began to try to reach inside my own mental machinery, marshal my attention differently, listen better. I wasn’t sure what I was doing; but I had crossed paths with a few people who, as a habit, gave others their full attention – and it was powerful. It felt rare, it felt real; I wanted them around.

As a culture, we treat listening as an automatic process about which there is not a lot to say: in the same category as digestion or blinking. When the concept of listening is addressed at any length, it is in the context of professional communication; something to be honed by leaders and mentors, but a specialization that everyone else can happily ignore. This neglect is a shame. Listening well, it took me too long to discover, is a sort of magic trick: both parties soften, blossom, they are less alone.

Along the way, I discovered that Carl Rogers, one of the 20th century’s most eminent psychologists, had put a name to this underrated skill: ‘active listening’. And though Rogers’s work was focused initially on the therapeutic setting, he drew no distinction between this and everyday life: ‘Whatever I have learned,’ he wrote, ‘is applicable to all of my human relationships.’ What Rogers learned was that listening well – which necessarily involves conversing well and questioning well – is one of the most accessible and most powerful forms of connection we have.

.

.

.

Click the link below for the article:

.

__________________________________________

Click the link below the picture

.

What does love mean, exactly? We have applied to it our finest definitions; we have examined its psychology and outlined it in philosophical frameworks; we have even devised a mathematical formula for attaining it. And yet anyone who has ever taken this wholehearted leap of faith knows that love remains a mystery — perhaps the mystery of the human experience.

Learning to meet this mystery with the full realness of our being — to show up for it with absolute clarity of intention — is the dance of life.

That’s what legendary Vietnamese Zen Buddhist monk, teacher, and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh (October 11, 1926–January 22, 2022) explored in How to Love (public library) — a slim, simply worded collection of his immeasurably wise insights on the most complex and most rewarding human potentiality.

.

Thich Nhat Hanh.

.

.

Click the link below for the article:

.

__________________________________________

Click the link below the picture

.

.

Photo by David Gray/Reuters

.

.

Click the link below for the article:

.

__________________________________________

Click the link below the picture

.

Eliciting sympathy and demanding attention are pretty common tactics in the course of your average relationship – but they become especially problematic when a narcissist is involved. 

“Micromanipulation” is one in an armory of emotional tools that narcissists typically use to regain control over their partners during arguments or a trial separation, according to an eye-opening new article on the topic.

Writing in Psychology Today, Professor Kristy Lee Hochenberger explains that “narcissists cannot accept the fact that another person does not want to be with them”. So, if they sense their partner is pulling away, they will go to extreme lengths to wrestle them back. 

Often this will involve direct manipulation – for example, threatening self-harm, which Hochenberger describes as a common and very scary response to someone wanting to regain control in a relationship that’s heading south. 

.

Photos by Getty Images/iStock

.

.

Click the link below for the article:

.

__________________________________________

Click the link below the picture

.

The winner of our college essay contest explores how for her Syrian family, scattered by war, a WhatsApp group chat — rife with silly videos and often regrettable photos — is everything.

.

Brian Rea

.

.

Click the link below for the article:

.

__________________________________________

Click the link below the picture

.

As a parent, one of the most impactful things you can do is acknowledge your kids’ achievements and healthy habits. This is when you put your empathy muscles to work to encourage good behavior, self-confidence, and self-worth in your kids.

It’s important to accept, however, that no one is born perfect — your child will ultimately make bad choices. It’s how you handle and respond to the situation that determines whether or not they’ll make better decisions and develop healthy habits going forward.

.

D3sign | Moment | Getty Images

.

.

Click the link below for the article:

.

__________________________________________

Click the link below the picture

.

At the beginning of the pandemic, I used to wake up frequently with an elevated heart rate, one eye barely open, already feeling like I’d lived an entire day, percolating with anxiety and dread before I’d even put a foot on the floor. There were an infinite number of moments when I was nursing a newborn with one arm, cradling a toddler with the other, and tapping out an email with whichever hand could best reach my laptop without disturbing this precarious scene.

In those days, I was utterly consumed by the act of mothering, engulfed in the relentless flames of parenthood in a way I had never anticipated. I also assumed I was totally alone in this experience. Only when we started admitting to each other out loud — on social media, in trend pieces, in our group chats — that parents, and moms, in particular, were not okay did it become clear how ruptured everything had become for all of us.

But it also felt like something important and necessary was being shattered around the idea of what a “mom” should be and how much she should carry.

.

Photo-Illustration: by the Cut; Photos Getty Images

.

.

Click the link below for the article:

.

__________________________________________