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The party-going partner now prefers chamomile tea on the couch. The lover of wanderlust has started to cling to routine. The big spender has become a frugal budgeter. Blond turns brown, turns gray, turns bald. Waistlines expand and contract. So do sex drives.
We don’t marry one person as much as we marry one version of a person, a snapshot of who we (and our partner) are individually and to one another at the moment when we say “I do.” Who we are five, 10 or 40 years later is anybody’s guess.
People change. As a result, relationships change, too.
“Not only do relationships change with time, but people change, which can affect the relationship dynamics as well,” said Michelle Chalfant, a therapist in Charlotte, N.C.
Personalities are more malleable than we may think. Most of us change, though often gradually, according to a study published in 2018 by the University of Houston, University of Tübingen, and University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, which assessed the personality traits of 1,795 people in the U.S. in adolescence and then 50 years later. Many participants, the study showed, tended to become more emotionally stable, conscientious, and agreeable over time.
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Holly Stapleton
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