James' World 2

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A 31-year-old gardener wonders what she should be eating in the day to improve her sleep at night.

A little about me:

Age: 31

Occupation: gardener

Number of hours sleep you get each night: 6 hours

Number of hours sleep you wish you got each night: 8-9 hours

Any officially diagnosed sleep-related problems: no

How much water you drink on average per day: 1 litre (not enough)

How much exercise I do on average per week: 1 cardio workout a week, plus the manual labor of my day-to-day job (see article)

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Lead image design: Ami O’Callaghan; Photos by Getty Images

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(Image credit: Getty Images)

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Dear How to Do It,

My husband and I are high school sweethearts and have been together for over 15 years but we are at a serious impasse. Over the years, the last five to seven, he has expressed his desires for more/different sexual experiences. We agreed that he could have a “side piece” as long as certain boundaries were kept. I don’t know if I’ve ever been fully comfortable with this but I don’t want to leave him so I’ve been trying out of love. Every time he finds someone he may be interested in and I get wind of, I LOSE MY MIND. He gets upset because he says we have talked about it and I have agreed and keep changing my mind. I understand that is not fair to him but I have no idea how to proceed. Neither of us wants a divorce but I have no idea how to keep the peace. I get upset and distant and in turn, he feels super guilty and doesn’t end up going through with going to see these girls. He’s fed up and we’re going through a rough patch. Any advice?

Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Staras/iStock/Getty Images Plus.

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(Image credit: Getty Images)

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Have you ever decided not to go for that job promotion because you believe you’re not qualified enough? Or avoided asking a neighbor for help because you feel you’d be a nuisance? Or taken your failure to get what you wanted as confirmation that, yes, your hunch that it was never going to work out was obviously correct? Yep, me too. Pessimistic beliefs like these are common, and they hold you back more than you realize. Perhaps it’s never occurred to you that it’s possible to change these attitudes, let alone how you might go about it. Perhaps you wouldn’t even want to change them even if you could – after all, who wants to be that person who is arrogant enough to think they’re definitely in with a shot for that promotion despite being underqualified, or who doesn’t think twice about making demands on their neighbors, or who approaches their goals with an unwavering confidence in their likelihood of success?

Philosophy and coaching are a perfect – and underexplored – partnership. Doing philosophy involves identifying and challenging hidden assumptions, using analogies to reveal double standards, and exposing dodgy reasoning: all things that are helpful to coaching clients who are burdened with beliefs that get in the way of their success, who are compassionate to everyone but themselves, and who overlook their own errors in reasoning because they are too busy criticizing themselves. Often, too, the thoughts of philosophers – including René Descartes and the other thinkers that I’m going to mention here – find fresh application in providing a helpful new perspective on the difficulties that many of us face every day.

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Rising, Falling, Clinging, Flying (equilibrium) (detail, 1934) by Sophie Taeuber-Arp. Courtesy Kunstmuseum Basel

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