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Dr. Sam Wainwright was caring for new moms when he noticed a major gap in the health care system.
As an internist and pediatrician, he ran a University of Illinois Health clinic providing primary care and resources for at-risk mothers and their children. When interviewing new moms about their needs, many responded with: “This extra support is really great, but could you see my husband? … Could you see my baby’s father?”
Wainwright realized that to truly help moms at the clinic, they needed to treat postnatal depression in dads, too. So he piloted an innovative study on screening fathers.
“The American Academy of Pediatrics tells us that we should be screening moms, our moms are telling us that we should be talking to dads, so what would it look like to start … integrating fathers into the care we provide?” Wainwright said.
Christine Kowaleski, a psychiatric nurse practitioner at Crouse Health and co-chair of the New York chapter of Postpartum Support International (PSI), receives similar requests. She has found that some men choose not to speak up because they are so focused on providing for their family.
“[Postpartum] is all about mom and baby for dads,” she said. “There’s only so much emotional space in a room, and if mom is taking up that space … dad is kind of left out of that room.”
New dad depression tends to be triggered by difficult situations like trouble conceiving, traumatic births, NICU stays, or supporting mom’s mental health. Research shows at least 10% of fathers are affected, but both Kowaleski and Wainwright say that the real number might be higher. To understand why it gets overlooked, we talked to two dads who lived with it, and we asked the experts to explain the subtle warning signs.
Symptom #1: Acting Withdrawn, Separated Or Distant
When a mom and newborn get attention, dad can feel pushed aside. With no positive reinforcement, he might become insecure in his new role.
“Moms bond very quickly with the baby, but it takes dads about two months, so for those two months they are kind of outside looking in,” said Kowaleski.
One father we spoke to, who wants to remain anonymous, started feeling distant on the day his twins were born. Twin Dad was at the hospital waiting to be brought in for his wife’s routine C-section. When the medical staff came, they said an emergency C-section was performed and the twin boy and girl had already been delivered.
“I missed it all,” he said. “I didn’t get to support and say … ‘You’re doing great!’ I didn’t get to cut an umbilical cord. I didn’t get any of the experiences that you see in the movies or TV.”
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