James' World 2

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President Joe Biden signed a bill into law on March 14 that awards a Congressional Gold Medal to the women of the 6888th Central Postal Directory Battalion, nicknamed the “Six Triple Eight.” The honor was granted “in recognition of their pioneering military service, devotion to duty, and contributions to increase the morale of personnel stationed in the European theater of operations during World War II,” the bill states.

The bipartisan bill, introduced by Sens. Jerry Moran (R-Kansas) and Jacky Rosen (D-Nevada), was passed by the Senate in April 2021 and the House last month.

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The Six Triple Eight was a unit made up of about 850 Black women who were tasked with overcoming a massive backlog of mail, according to the Department of Defense. The unit traveled to Great Britain in 1945, surviving encounters with Nazi U-boats and a German rocket explosion along the way, before spending months sorting through mail and packages stacked to the ceiling in unheated warehouses, according to the US Army Center of Military History. tangie

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The “Six Triple Eight” was tasked with sorting millions of pieces of mail for frontline soldiers during World War II.

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If there’s one thing most people can agree on, it’s that life lately has been stressful. Everyone’s lives have undergone massive change as a direct result of the coronavirus pandemic and its ensuing restrictions, and perhaps none more so than relationships with friends, family, and partners.

Lockdowns have meant that some are seeing their loved ones more than they ever imagined they would, with working from home and few options for getting out of the house meaning they are riding out the year practically in the pockets of those they live with. Social distancing, on the other hand, means that we are all unable to get too close to others, and I think most people have at least a couple of loved ones they just haven’t seen since restrictions kicked in in March.

It hasn’t been easy, and emotions have been running high. But, while anxiety, loneliness, and sadness might be expected to creep in at a time like this, it’s worth noting that other difficult emotions like irritability and even anger can crop up, too.

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Forgiveness is often viewed as the “happily ever after” ending in a story of wrongdoing or injustice. Someone enacts harm, the typical arc goes, but eventually sees the error of their ways and offers a heartfelt apology. “Can you ever forgive me?” Then you, the hurt person, are faced with a choice: Show them mercy — granting yourself peace in the process — or hold a grudge forever. The choice is yours, and it’s one many of us assume starts with remorse and a plea for grace.

It’s reasonable to expect an apology when you’re the one who has been hurt or betrayed. But that’s not how it works in practice. In fact, therapist Harriet Lerner writes in her book Why Won’t You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts, the worse the offense, the more difficult it can be to get an apology from the person who harmed you. In those instances, Lerner writes, “Their shame leads to denial and self-deception that overrides their ability to orient toward reality.” And beyond this, there are other reasons you might be unable to get the apology you deserve. Maybe the other person isn’t aware of the harm they did to you, or they’ve disappeared, making contact impossible, or they’ve died.

Unfortunately, that puts you in a tough spot. How do you forgive someone who isn’t all that sorry, or who you can’t actually engage with?

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I can venture a guess that not everyone in your friend circle is at exactly the same socioeconomic level. Because this is natural, a very fascinating financial phenomenon can occur The platonic sugar daddy. When one person in the relationship has a lot more resources than another, it can seem like the friend who pays for everything is always giving generosity and never receiving it. But relationships aren’t that clear-cut. Most psychologists agree that there is a sophisticated economic interplay in relationships that involves more than money. But how do you keep a friendship emotionally balanced even if it’s economically off-kilter?

“The thing with generosity is that it is an outflow,” says Ian Sells, an entrepreneur in California who is the most “financially blessed amongst his friend group. “You give because you enjoy doing it. If you give because you expect something in return, that’s not friendship. That’s a business.” Sells explains that he ends up paying for a lot of extra things in his trio of close friends — a defacto non-sexual sugar daddy if you will — but that he doesn’t mind.

Sells doesn’t see this as emotionally complicated at all — Sells pays for more things because he can. Sells doesn’t describe his generosity as part of his love language, but some people do consider gift-giving their primary love language. For those folks, it doesn’t just feel good to give, they really need it to feel like they’re doing their part in the relationship.

Honestly, I thought when I wrote this that I would talk to a lot of people who were secretly resentful about having to pay for everything with their friends, but that wasn’t the case at all. In fact, although Sells has a particularly charming humble attitude about sharing his resources, most sugar daddies I talked to felt similarly. It was the friends who had less who seemed to have more complicated feelings about their mixed-status relationships.

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Does it matter if one friend constantly foots the bill?

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