James' World 2

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The good news is there are many effective anti-prejudice interventions, but the most promising remains relatively unknown

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Flower market, East End of London. Photo by Andrew Testa/Panos

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Okay, so you’re not the best at small talk. We’ve all become a bit All you’re looking to have is a decent conversation. It could be with the guy on the sidelines, at the gym, or anyone else you keep running into. But someone’s gotta break the ice. You don’t mind doing it. You just don’t want things to be … ah … um … eeh … awkward.

If only there was a can’t-miss opening line. There isn’t. That’s the bad news, but also the good. The words you say are secondary to just being willing to take the chance. But still, you worry that whatever comes out won’t work. There will be silence, stares, and walking away questioning what you just did.

You know what you say to that?

“So what?,” says Bethany Teachman, professor of psychology and director of clinical training at University of Virginia. The exchange might be awkward, but will it be excruciating? Impossible to recover from? Will it ruin you? Nah. This isn’t the most important person to you, which means it’s not the most important conversation you’ll ever have.

“It’s not that big of a deal,” she says. “Not much will change in your life.”

It’s good to remember one other thing: Conversations take two people to make it work, and the other person may not be engaged because they’re stressed, preoccupied, exhausted, overly shy, or any other reason that has nothing to do with you.

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The following are five common self-sabotaging mistakes overwhelmed people tend to make. There are practical solutions for each that will help you feel like you’re on top of things and do a better job of navigating your most important tasks and solving problems.

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From

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At birth we boarded the train
and met our parents, and we
believe they will always travel
on our side.

However, at some station
our parents will step down from
the train, leaving us on this
journey alone.

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The Train of Life

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In 2014, psychologists at the University of California launched a course with one goal: Help students become happier in eight weeks.

Incredibly, it seemed to work. Thousands of students took the Science of Happiness course (which is still free to audit on edX, a provider of open online courses) and learned about the science of connection, compassion, gratitude, and mindfulness. Perhaps more importantly, they also completed a series of simple activities that research suggests increase happiness. 

Those who fully participated saw their positive feelings increase each week. They reported feeling less sadness, stress, loneliness, anger, and fear, while at the same time experiencing more amusement, enthusiasm, and affection, as well as a greater sense of community. During the course, students’ happiness and life satisfaction increased by about 5%. And that boost remained even four months after the course ended, though it’s difficult to fully untangle that result. It could’ve been from doing the activities, the students’ new understanding of the psychology of happiness, or something totally different. How does this work? Can you really change how happy you are that easily? According to the research, yes. 

The malleability of happiness

“There’s a misconception that happiness is built-in and that we can’t change it,” says Laurie Santos, a professor of psychology at Yale University who teaches a free Coursera class called The Science of Well-Being. 

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The world is their playground — and their teacher.

Adele and Matt Allen are raising their three children with “child autonomy,” allowing their kids to set their own curriculum, bedtimes, menus, meal times, and chore lists.

The Allens, who live in Brighton, UK, fully embrace the “unconventional parenting” style that aligns with their “frugal and natural living” habits.

“We got into natural living before we had our kids, so it just became a natural progression that continued and began to affect all of our decisions after I fell pregnant,” Adele told Caters.

The parents, who are both 39, don’t trust the healthcare or education systems and have allowed their children — Ulysses, 12, Ostara, 8, and Kai, 4 — to make their own choices from a very young age.

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Kai, 4, Ostara, 8, and Ulysses, 12, are encouraged “to take governance of their life, make their own choices and decide what goes on in their life,” their mother explained.Caters News Agency

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You’re reminded of it every time you move: You have too much crap. It piles up in closets, under beds, in storage units, and inside garages. And dealing with all that clutter is bad for your mental health. The psychological weight of hoarder-level clutter and mess is easy to understand, but it can affect you even if you’re not navigating canyons of trash in your house.

Even modest levels of clutter can negatively impact your life for a number of reasons—because you’re often lugging old connections around, preventing you from letting go of past traumas; because you have to expend mental and emotional energy on things that are no longer vital to your everyday life; because you know, deep down, that someone is eventually going to have to deal with all of it after you die. But the practice of “Swedish death cleaning” can help—and you don’t have to wait until you’re near the end to benefit.

What is Swedish death cleaning?

Swedish Death Cleaning is a simple concept with powerful potential. It’s based on a Swedish concept called döstädning (literally “death cleaning”) that was expanded into a book by Margareta Magnusson (The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning). Magnusson was inspired to write the book after she lost her parents and her husband and had to wade through all the stuff they left behind.

The idea behind it is simple: At a certain point in your life, you should stop accumulating more stuff and start dealing with the stuff you’ve already accumulated so your loved ones won’t have to do it after you’re gone. Instead of leaving an enormous chore behind for the future, you can make it a thoughtful project now, while you’re still in control.

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A growing share of childless adults in the U.S. don’t expect to ever have children, according to a 2021 Pew Research Center survey. Some people gave specific reasons, like medical conditions or finances, but a lot of people said they just don’t want to.

If that’s you, you might find yourself facing unwanted commentary or questions. Angela L. Harris can relate. She’s child-free by choice, and she says people often question her choice or want to know all the details.

Harris has a doctorate degree in clinical psychology and is the founder of #NoBibsBurpsBottles, an online community for Black women who are child-free. She says, first of all, to remember that you don’t owe anyone an explanation: “If you don’t feel like explaining, don’t explain. Your life is your life.”

Harris tends to share. “I explain my choice all the time, especially if someone’s curious about it,” she says. “That’s the way we’re going to decrease the stigma.” Sometimes Harris’ responses might be more sincere; other times, she opts for levity. “I think there’s a playful and joking way in which you can respond,” she says.

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Ana Galvañ for NPR

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How is Simone Biles like a honeybee? That’s not a riddle. Nor is it a trick question. It’s a profoundly serious inquiry, and the answer is found within an emerging field of neuroscience, one that promises to unlock the secrets of how our brains decide if it’s the right time to quit.

As the world’s premier gymnast, Biles has done many amazing things, but it was the thing she did in Tokyo in 2021 that stunned the world like nothing else in her career ever had: she gave up. So what’s the connection between one of the greatest athletes in history and a flying insect?

“Perseverance, in a biological sense, doesn’t make sense unless it’s working.”

That’s Jerry Coyne, emeritus professor at the University of Chicago, one of the top evolutionary biologists of his generation. I’ve called Coyne to ask him about animals and quitting. I want to know why human beings tend to adhere to the Gospel of Grit—while other creatures on this magnificently diverse earth of ours follow a different strategy. Their lives are marked by purposeful halts, fortuitous side steps, canny retreats, nick‑of‑time recalculations, wily workarounds, and deliberate do‑overs, not to mention loops, pivots, and complete reversals.

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Graduation season can be one of both opportunity and existential dread. You’re about to embark on a new chapter of your life and have seemingly endless possibilities ahead of you, whether you’re graduating from undergrad, are beginning your career straight out of high school, or have taken a non-traditional path. All that promise and potential can be just as liberating as it is terrifying.

Almost everyone has well-wishes for new college graduates, advice ranging from trite (“Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life!”) to the ill-advised (any platitude with the word “hustle” in it; anyone who recommends you sacrifice sleep to be more productive).

However, professors who actually work with students, financial experts, and people who’ve been at the crossroads of life say otherwise. Their advice for new graduates is all about relationships: your relationship with your job, your money, and yourself. If you’re looking for a little bit of guidance post-graduation, try a tip or two.

Responses have been edited and condensed for clarity.

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