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Not too long ago, Daniel Pink, the bestselling social psychology author, made an observation that seemed to speak to our national mindset: There are more than 50 books in the U.S. Library of Congress with the title No Regrets. Living without regret, he felt, had become a uniquely American mantra. In his new book, The Power of Regret, Pink proceeds from that national obsession with positivity: “A good life has a singular focus (forward) and an unwavering valence (positive),” he writes. “Regret perturbs both. It is backward-looking and unpleasant—a toxin in the bloodstream of happiness.” But it’s impossible to avoid regret, Pink says. In fact, he argues, regret is a distinguishing feature of humanity, since it involves an aptitude for narrative storytelling and mental time travel that only humans possess. We should embrace our regrets—and learn from them.

In an attempt to better understand this most beguiling emotion, Pink conducted a survey, polling more than 16,000 people in 105 countries about the moments in life they’d come to regret. “When people tell you their regrets, they’re simultaneously telling you what they value,” Pink says. “So it’s this interesting thing where this chorus of 16,000 people are saying, ‘Hey, this is what a good life is.’” But living that good life requires taking a hard look at our past mistakes—thus going against society’s “No Regrets” dictum. Pink hopes his book can change the cultural conversation around regret and help readers recognize how looking backward can help us move forward.

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Photo-illustration by Michael Houtz

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There’s good news for musophobia sufferers. If you’re concerned that there’s some mutation out there, resulting in rodents of a gargantuan size, well …

“I do not think there are any 3-pound rats in the city,” Combs told The Huffington Post last week. “There seems to be a physiological limit to their size at about 2 pounds. I would need some physical evidence to believe they can get any larger.”

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Anyone who has ever taken an economics class has heard the phrase, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch.”

It means that everything has a cost, even if that cost is not always immediately apparent. To achieve anything, you must give up something else.

In today’s happiness-obsessed culture, most pursue just the opposite: we want to know how to be happy with no costs, all benefits. We want the rewards without the risks, the gain without the pain.

But ironically, it’s this unwillingness to sacrifice anything, to give up anything, that makes us more miserable.

As with anything else, happiness has costs. It is not free. And despite what Cover Girl or Tony Robbins or the Dalai Lama once told you, it’s not always easy breezy figuring out how to be happy either.

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Happiness

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https://getpocket.com/explore/item/the-hidden-costs-of-happiness?utm_source=pocket_discover

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Chances are you know a whole lot about your partner. What makes them laugh, what makes them seethe, what makes them blush. You probably know their dessert of choice, coffee preference, and that story from their childhood by heart. And the list of other things you know by heart is likely quite long because of course it is. You share a life with them and likely have more insight into who they truly are than anyone else. 

But there’s always more to learn. And when playing a round of “How Well Do You Know Your Spouse?” it’s wise to have rock-solid answers to some other questions at the ready. About what brings them joy, what’s caused them pain, and what’s still on their bucket list. Questions that touch on the past, present, and future, because an awareness of all three is crucial, and understanding the answers will help you and your relationship in more ways than one. 

Why? Now knowing the answers to these questions won’t necessarily solve problems, but it will give you a heads-up on what drives your partner. And when you understand the whys, you have a better understanding of why they react to certain things the way they do. With that knowledge, you become more empathetic, so the person you love feels loved, and possibilities for changing become more possible, since the explicit and implicit message is, “We’re in it together.”

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Answers

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