James' World 2

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Life seems full of ever-increasing piles of paperwork – bills to pay, appointments to make, forms to sign, carpools to organize – so much tedious, time-consuming, unpaid labor. Call it the homework of adulthood, and many of us are earning a failing grade.

Columbia Law School professor Elizabeth Emens calls this work “life admin,” and wrote a book about it by the same name.

“Life admin is all the invisible office work that steals our time,” Emens explains. “It’s the kind of work that managers and secretaries get paid in an office to do but that we all do invisibly, and for free, in our own lives.”

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Not too long ago, a colleague and I were lamenting the process of growing older and the inevitable increasing difficulty of remembering things we want to remember. That becomes particularly annoying when you attend a conference or a learning seminar and find yourself forgetting the entire session just days later.

But then my colleague told me about the Ebbinghaus Forgetting Curve, a 100-year-old formula developed by German psychologist Hermann Ebbinghaus, who pioneered the experimental study of memory. The psychologist’s work has resurfaced and has been making its way around college campuses as a tool to help students remember lecture material. For example, the University of Waterloo explains the curve and how to use it on the Campus Wellness website. I teach at Indiana University and a student mentioned it to me in class as a study aid he uses. Intrigued, I tried it out too–more on that in a moment.

The Forgetting Curve describes how we retain or lose information that we take in, using a one-hour lecture as the basis of the model. The curve is at its highest point (the most information retained) right after the one-hour lecture. One day after the lecture, if you’ve done nothing with the material, you’ll have lost between 50 and 80 percent of it from your memory.

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President Joe Biden signed a bill into law on March 14 that awards a Congressional Gold Medal to the women of the 6888th Central Postal Directory Battalion, nicknamed the “Six Triple Eight.” The honor was granted “in recognition of their pioneering military service, devotion to duty, and contributions to increase the morale of personnel stationed in the European theater of operations during World War II,” the bill states.

The bipartisan bill, introduced by Sens. Jerry Moran (R-Kansas) and Jacky Rosen (D-Nevada), was passed by the Senate in April 2021 and the House last month.

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The Six Triple Eight was a unit made up of about 850 Black women who were tasked with overcoming a massive backlog of mail, according to the Department of Defense. The unit traveled to Great Britain in 1945, surviving encounters with Nazi U-boats and a German rocket explosion along the way, before spending months sorting through mail and packages stacked to the ceiling in unheated warehouses, according to the US Army Center of Military History. tangie

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The “Six Triple Eight” was tasked with sorting millions of pieces of mail for frontline soldiers during World War II.

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If there’s one thing most people can agree on, it’s that life lately has been stressful. Everyone’s lives have undergone massive change as a direct result of the coronavirus pandemic and its ensuing restrictions, and perhaps none more so than relationships with friends, family, and partners.

Lockdowns have meant that some are seeing their loved ones more than they ever imagined they would, with working from home and few options for getting out of the house meaning they are riding out the year practically in the pockets of those they live with. Social distancing, on the other hand, means that we are all unable to get too close to others, and I think most people have at least a couple of loved ones they just haven’t seen since restrictions kicked in in March.

It hasn’t been easy, and emotions have been running high. But, while anxiety, loneliness, and sadness might be expected to creep in at a time like this, it’s worth noting that other difficult emotions like irritability and even anger can crop up, too.

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Forgiveness is often viewed as the “happily ever after” ending in a story of wrongdoing or injustice. Someone enacts harm, the typical arc goes, but eventually sees the error of their ways and offers a heartfelt apology. “Can you ever forgive me?” Then you, the hurt person, are faced with a choice: Show them mercy — granting yourself peace in the process — or hold a grudge forever. The choice is yours, and it’s one many of us assume starts with remorse and a plea for grace.

It’s reasonable to expect an apology when you’re the one who has been hurt or betrayed. But that’s not how it works in practice. In fact, therapist Harriet Lerner writes in her book Why Won’t You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts, the worse the offense, the more difficult it can be to get an apology from the person who harmed you. In those instances, Lerner writes, “Their shame leads to denial and self-deception that overrides their ability to orient toward reality.” And beyond this, there are other reasons you might be unable to get the apology you deserve. Maybe the other person isn’t aware of the harm they did to you, or they’ve disappeared, making contact impossible, or they’ve died.

Unfortunately, that puts you in a tough spot. How do you forgive someone who isn’t all that sorry, or who you can’t actually engage with?

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