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Most articles don’t, for good reason, start with “My therapist said….”
And yet: That’s exactly where this story begins.
“Have you ever heard of attachment theory and adult attachment styles?” asked my very own therapist in a session earlier this year.
Oh, I definitely had. A few years ago, a high-octane romance suddenly exploded in spectacular fashion, out of nowhere. One of us shut down. The other spiraled. In the immediate blast radius, for both parties, it was as heartbreaking as it was indecipherable.
Near the end, this person expressed their desire to untangle their side of things, along with a photo of a book they had just purchased: “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment, and How It Can Help You Find — and Keep — Love.” I bought it a few days later.
The result? Revelatory. Not for what I learned about them, but for what I discovered about myself, my own contribution to this romantic meltdown, and one thing or another about pretty much all the relationships that came before it. To say it changed the way I view (let alone operate in) romance since then would be a vast understatement.
So “yeah, of course,” I told my therapist like she asked me about FM radio. “I’ve read ‘Attached.’ What about it?” I went on to describe the various attachment styles the book describes, characterized my own, and explained how I’ve seen it reflected throughout my life.
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Shuhua Xiong
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