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From “Love is Blind” and “Love Island” to “The Bachelor,” there’s a lot of TV and streaming content about love and romance right now. Many of the shows are trying to answer the same question: What is true love? And how do you know if you’ve found it?  

Psychologists have spent years studying the traits that are fundamental to successful long-term relationships. Insider listed some of their most surprising insights from experts, surveys, and research papers below.

A word of caution: If you notice that your relationship doesn’t meet all these criteria, that does not necessarily mean you should end things with your partner. Consider this list a general set of guidelines that can help you start evaluating whether your current relationship is bringing you satisfaction and happiness.

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“Love Is Blind” and other shows on romance seek to answer a fundamental question about love: How do you know it’s real? Patrick Wymore/Netflix

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Developing your mental strength and self-discipline is one of the most valuable things you can do.

It allows you not just to survive, but thrive during life’s challenges.

It allows you to make better choices in stressful situations.

And it allows you to do hard things — and doing hard things leads to a good life.

Whether in sports, work, or your personal life, being able to rely on your self-discipline and mental strength is a competitive advantage few possess.

However, Stoics like Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, and Epictetus understood the importance of developing their self-discipline and mental fortitude.

Each day, they practiced specific habits and routines to become mentally ‘bulletproof’ and train their bodies and minds to endure hard things.

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Chances are you know a whole lot about your partner. What makes them laugh, what makes them seethe, what makes them blush. You probably know their dessert of choice, coffee preference, and that story from their childhood by heart. And the list of other things you know by heart is likely quite long because of course it is. You share a life with them and likely have more insight into who they truly are than anyone else.  

But there’s always more to learn. And when playing a round of “How Well Do You Know Your Spouse?” it’s wise to have rock-solid answers to some other questions at the ready. About what brings them joy, what’s caused them pain, and what’s still on their bucket list. Questions that touch on the past, present, and future, because an awareness of all three is crucial, and understanding the answers will help you and your relationship in more ways than one. 

Why? Now knowing the answers to these questions won’t necessarily solve problems, but it will give you a heads-up on what drives your partner. And when you understand the whys, you have a better understanding of why they react to certain things the way they do. With that knowledge, you become more empathetic, so the person you love feels loved, and possibilities for changing become more possible, since the explicit and implicit message is, “We’re in it together.”

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Questions

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Most of the time, life doesn’t reward us for the things we do once in a while but only for the things we do consistently.

That might sound unfair, but it actually makes our lives easier because we can afford to make mistakes, learn our lessons, and try again.

We can fail over and over again and still re-try. And most importantly, it means that we don’t need to be perfect.

The following habits can each help you live a better, healthier, and happier life.

Ideally, you’ll repeat them every single day. Realistically, you‘ll only do them once in a while. But that’s fine.

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