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Susanna Abse is the marriage counselor’s marriage counselor – 30 years in practice giving her peerless insights into the challenges couples face without making any dent in her curiosity and originality. This serene, witty 65-year-old is exacting but non-judgmental; I imagine you’d feel able to say absolutely anything in front of her unless it was bullshit. You would trust her with your marriage, but you’d want to take your A-game.
Abse can’t begin to estimate how many couples she’s seen since her first in 1986 but puts it at tens of thousands of hours. She has worked with every kind of couple, from the ones who “bang their heads together and shout and stand up and walk out” (she calls these “doll’s house” couples in her book – people who break things without any sense of consequence), to the ones who think there’s never been anything wrong, and can’t understand why they’ve suddenly got issues.
She typically sees a couple weekly or biweekly. Her work is instinctive: a couple will continue to meet with her for as long as it takes. “I absolutely never know whether a couple will separate or not,” she says.
Post-Covid, there has been a rise in the number of couples seeking therapy, but it’s perhaps not as dramatic as you might expect. If the field is booming, it’s because millennials, and couples even younger, are seeking help earlier in their relationship – at a point when older generations would have just called it quits. The rise probably isn’t hurt by the popularity of shows such as the BBC’s Couples Therapy, which sheds a light on this usually hidden process.
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‘If a couple never argues, it’s because things have been parked,’ says therapist Susanna Abse. Photograph: William Elliot/William Elliot / Gallery Stock
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