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Make Me Your Leader Again, Please!

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Things to ponder!

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To write with a broken pencil is pointless. 

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate. 

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. 

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A. 

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground. 

The batteries were given out free of charge. 

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail. 

A will is a dead giveaway. 

If you don’t pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed. 

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. 

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I’ll show you A-flat miner. 

You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it. 

Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under. 

A boiled egg is hard to beat. 

When you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall. 

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. 

Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now. 

If you take a laptop computer for a run, you can jog your memory. 

A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is too tired. 

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes. 

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds. 

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered. 

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. 

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye. 

Acupuncture: a jab well done. 

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Four Sons!

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Four guys sitting around having drinks and one of the men had to use the restroom. The three others talked about their kids. The first guy said, “My son is my pride and joy, he started working at a company at the bottom. He studied business and began to climb the corporate ladder, became president of the company. He’s so rich, he gave his best friend a top-of-the-line Mercedes for Christmas.” The second guy said, “damn, that’s terrific! My son is also the pride-and-joy. He started working for a big airline and went to flight school to become a pilot. He became a partner, where he owns the majority of its assets. He is so rich that he gave his best friend a brand-new jet as a Christmas gift.” The third man said “Well that’s terrific1! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer, started his own construction company, and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave an expensive Christmas gift to his best friend, a 30,000-square-foot mansion!” The three guys congratulated each other, just as the fourth guy returned from the restroom and asked, “What are all the congratulations for?” One of the three guys said, “We’re talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons…” What about your son?” they asked the fourth guy. The fourth man replied. “My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.” The three friends said, “That’s a shame… what a disappointment.” The fourth man replied. “Nah, I’m not ashamed, he’s my son, and I love him…and he hasn’t done too badly either. Just this Christmas alone, he received a beautiful 30,000-square-foot mansion, a brand-new jet, and a top-of-the-line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.  

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Husband Walks In!

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A man and woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands. 

Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned. 

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. 

Still, the woman appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware her dining companion had disappeared. 

The waitress went over to the table and said to the woman, “Pardon me, ma’am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.” 

The woman calmly looked up at her and said, “No, he didn’t. He just walked in the door.” 

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That Pig!

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A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (WTF?!?!) A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Weird, but I’m still not over the pig.) The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off. (Honey, I’m Home… what the…?) The flea can jimp 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field. The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?) Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still can’t believe that pig…quality over quantity.) Butterflies taste with their feet. Something I’ve always wanted to know. Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing.) A cat’s urine glows under a black light. (IL wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.) An Ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.) Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that, too.) Polar bears are left handed. (Talk about a southpaw.) Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about the pig?) LMAO. Now that you’ve smiled at least once: Have a great day!

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Why Stress-Baking and Cleaning Make You Less Anxious

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Micah Bucey is surprised by how well-guided meditations work over Zoom. Bucey, an associate minister at New York’s Judson Memorial Church, usually leads in-person meditations once a week. But since the coronavirus outbreak, Bucey’s gone digital. “I actually am quite taken by how intimate Zoom feels,” says Bucey, who now leads about 30 participants through guided breathing and meditation every day. “I feel a little bit more vulnerable as a facilitator because people are actually sitting in front of a screen and my face is on that screen, not 20 feet away in a room.”Bucey’s is one of dozens of online offerings meant to help Americans handle the stress of Covid-19. Sure, we had worries and anxiety before. But the era of coronavirus has brought with it a whole new set of fears about running out of food, masks, and ventilators, plus escalating economic woes and concerns about the well-being of loved ones. To help people cope, the Monterey Bay Aquarium is offering an online Morning MeditOcean, during which jellyfish soothingly undulate across the screen. Chefs are creating quarantine cooking shows, and #quarantinebaking has become so popular that Amazon is sold out of popular brands of flour and chocolate chips.

But these are more than desperate attempts at self-soothing. It turns out that housekeeping and self-care activities like meditating, cooking, cleaning, and even just stocking the pantry can help stop cycles of anxiety and depression by changing how the human brain self-regulates. Here’s why stress-baking or cleaning feels so good, neurologically speaking.

When humans perceive a threat or stressor, our amygdala—a small region of the brain associated with facilitating fear, anxiety, and emotion—jumps into gear and becomes more active. This activation can have physical consequences, too. Sometimes people who are anxious report feeling short of breath or have an increased heart rate. That’s because the amygdala is also involved in regulating our blood pressure, breathing, and heart. So when the amygdala gets going, those systems do too.

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Photograph: Getty Images

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Click the link below for the article:

https://www.wired.com/story/why-stress-baking-and-cleaning-make-you-less-anxious/?utm_source=pocket_collection_story

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The last quarter…

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Most of us are now in the last quarter of our life and should read this interesting piece of advice

This is one of the nicest and most gentle articles I’ve read in a while: no politics, no religion and no racial issues – just food for thought.

You know …… time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years.

It seems just yesterday that I was young and embarking on my new life. Yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went.

I know that I lived them all.

I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams.

However, here it is …… the last quarter of my life and it catches me by surprise.

How did I get here so fast?

Where did the years go and where did my youth go?

I remember well seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that I was only on the first quarter and that the fourth quarter was so far off that I could not visualise it or imagine fully what it would be like.

Yet, here it is …… my friends are retired and getting grey – they move slower and I see an older person now. Some are in better and some worse shape than me but I see the great change. They’re not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant …… but like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we’d become.

Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! and taking a nap is not a treat anymore, it’s mandatory! because if I don’t of my own free will, I fall asleep where I sit!

And so …… now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did! But at least I know that, though I’m on the last quarter and I’m not sure how long it will last, that when it’s over on this earth… it’s over.

A new adventure will begin!

Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn’t done …… things I should have done but truely there are many things I’m happy to have done.

It’s all in a lifetime.

So, if you’re not on the last quarter yet, let me remind you that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life do it quickly!

Don’t put things off too long! Life goes by so quickly.

So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether you’re on the last quarter or not!

You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of life…. so, live for today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember – and hope that they appreciate and love you for all the things that you have done for them in all the years past!

‘Life’ is a gift to you.

Be Happy!

Have a great day!

Remember, it is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.

You may think;

Going out is good – but coming home is better!

You forget names – but it’s okay because some people forgot they even knew you!

You realize you’re never going to be really good at anything like golf – but you like the outdoors!

The things you used to care to do, you aren’t as interested in anymore – but you really don’t care that you aren’t as interested.

You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV on than in bed – you call it ‘pre-sleep’!

You miss the days when everything worked with just an ‘On’ and ‘Off’ switch!

You tend to use more 4 letter words – ‘what’ and ‘when’

You have lots of clothes in your wardrobe, more than half of which you will never wear – but just in case!

Old is good –

  • Old is comfortable
  • Old is safe
  • Old songs
  • Old movies
  • …… and best of all,
  • Friends of old!

So, stay well, ‘Old friend!’

Have a fantastic day!

Have an awesome quarter – whichever one you’re in!

Take care

Send this on to other “Old Friends!” and let them smile in agreement.

It’s not what you gather but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived…

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God Made It So

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And on the 8th day, God created seniors. Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom, God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their eyeglasses, keys, and other things, thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things, requiring them to bend, reach, and stretch more. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature, requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise. God looked down and saw that it was good.

So if you find, as you age, you are getting up and down a lot more times, remember it’s God’s will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.

Nine Important Facts to Remember as We Grow Older:

#9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

#8 Life is sexually transmitted.

#7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

#6 Men have two motivations: hunger and sex, and they can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

#5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe they won’t bother you for years.

#4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

#3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

#2 In the 60’s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

#1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.

Please share this wisdom with others; I would do it now but I need to go to the bathroom.

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Missed News 905

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News You might have missed!

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Some news you might have missed!

>Click Title of Item You Wish to Select<

NEWS NEWS
Drive-by shooting in North Hills leaves one man dead; Investigation underway Opinion: The latest political cartoons
Report Reveals Sharp Rise in Transgender Young People in the U.S. Martin McDonagh writes about capital punishment in ‘Hangmen,’ but it’s still a comedy thriller
Ohio teen beaten to death outside school established by LeBron James’ foundation U.S. to drop COVID testing for incoming international air travelers
Republicans don’t want to admit that the highest rates of gun deaths are in ‘blood red states’ Prepare yourself: ‘The U.S. housing market is at the beginning stages of the most significant contraction in activity since 2006’
Coronavirus Daily Briefing Your Daily AM Roundup
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Opinion: The latest political cartoons

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The latest political cartoons

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Click the link below for cartoons:

https://www.msn.com/en-us/entertainment/comics/opinion-the-latest-political-cartoons/ss-AAWZcfo?ocid=msedgdhp&pc=U531&cvid=4c65ab818c6e4d37af1e0ba6eaa486a3

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