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The Art Of Listening

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Writing in Esquire magazine in 1935, Ernest Hemingway offered this advice to young writers: ‘When people talk, listen completely… Most people never listen.’ Even though Hemingway was one of my teenage heroes, the realization crept up on me, somewhere around the age of 25: I am most people. I never listen.

Perhaps never was a little strong – but certainly, my listening often occurred through a fog of distraction and self-regard. On my worst days, this could make me a shallow, solipsistic presence. Haltingly, I began to try to reach inside my own mental machinery, marshal my attention differently, listen better. I wasn’t sure what I was doing; but I had crossed paths with a few people who, as a habit, gave others their full attention – and it was powerful. It felt rare, it felt real; I wanted them around.

As a culture, we treat listening as an automatic process about which there is not a lot to say: in the same category as digestion or blinking. When the concept of listening is addressed at any length, it is in the context of professional communication; something to be honed by leaders and mentors, but a specialization that everyone else can happily ignore. This neglect is a shame. Listening well, it took me too long to discover, is a sort of magic trick: both parties soften, blossom, they are less alone.

Along the way, I discovered that Carl Rogers, one of the 20th century’s most eminent psychologists, had put a name to this underrated skill: ‘active listening’. And though Rogers’s work was focused initially on the therapeutic setting, he drew no distinction between this and everyday life: ‘Whatever I have learned,’ he wrote, ‘is applicable to all of my human relationships.’ What Rogers learned was that listening well – which necessarily involves conversing well and questioning well – is one of the most accessible and most powerful forms of connection we have.

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Husband and Wife (detail, 1945) by Milton Avery. Gift of Mr. and Mrs. Roy R Neuberger. Photo by Allen Phillips/ Wadsworth Atheneum

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Click the link below for the article:

https://aeon.co/essays/the-psychologist-carl-rogers-and-the-art-of-active-listening?utm_source=pocket_discover

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Great Sand Dunes National Park Colorado

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Great Sand Dunes National Park and Preserve is an American national park that conserves an area of large sand dunes up to 750 feet (230 m) tall on the eastern edge of the San Luis Valley, and an adjacent national preserve in the Sangre de Cristo Range, in south-central Colorado, United States. The park was originally designated Great Sand Dunes National Monument on March 17, 1932, by President Herbert Hoover. The original boundaries protected an area of 35,528 acres (55.5 sq mi; 143.8 km2). A boundary change and redesignation as a national park and preserve was authorized on November 22, 2000, and then established on September 24, 2004. The park encompasses 107,342 acres (167.7 sq mi; 434.4 km2) while the preserve protects an additional 41,686 acres (65.1 sq mi; 168.7 km2) for a total of 149,028 acres (232.9 sq mi; 603.1 km2). The recreational visitor total was 527,546 in 2019.

The park contains the tallest sand dunes in North America. The dunes cover an area of about 30 sq mi (78 km2) and are estimated to contain over 1.2 cubic miles (5 billion cubic meters) of sand. Sediments from the surrounding mountains filled the valley over geologic time periods. After lakes within the valley receded, exposed sand was blown by the predominant southwest winds toward the Sangre de Cristos, eventually forming the dunefield over an estimated tens of thousands of years. The four primary components of the Great Sand Dunes system are the mountain watershed, the dunefield, the sand sheet, and the sabkha. Ecosystems within the mountain watershed include alpine tundra, subalpine forests, montane woodlands, and riparian zones.

Evidence of human habitation in the San Luis Valley dates back about 11,000 years. The first historic peoples to inhabit the area were the Southern Ute Tribe; Apaches and Navajo also have cultural connections in the area. In the late 17th century, Diego de Vargas, a Spanish governor of Santa Fe de Nuevo México, became the first European on record to enter the San Luis Valley. Juan Bautista de Anza, Zebulon Pike, John C. Frémont, and John Gunnison all traveled through and explored parts of the region in the 18th and 19th centuries. The explorers were soon followed by settlers who ranched, farmed, and mined in the valley starting in the late 19th century. The park was first established as a national monument in 1932 to protect it from gold mining and the potential of a concrete manufacturing business.

Visitors must walk across the wide and shallow Medano Creek to reach the dunes in spring and summer. The creek typically has a peak flow from late May to early June. From July to April, it is usually no more than a few inches deep, if there is any water at all. Hiking is permitted throughout the dunes with the warning that the sand surface temperature may reach 150 °F (66 °C) in summer. Sandboarding and sandsledding are popular activities, both done on specially designed equipment that can be rented just outside the park entrance or in Alamosa. Visitors with street-legal four-wheel drive vehicles may continue past the end of the park’s main road to Medano Pass on 22 miles (35 km) of unpaved road, crossing the stream bed of Medano Creek nine times and traversing 4 miles (6.4 km) of deep sand. Hunting is permitted in the preserve in the autumn but prohibited within national park boundaries at all times. The preserve encompasses nearly all of the mountainous areas north and east of the dunefield, up to the ridgeline of the Sangre de Cristos.

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An image from Great Sand Dunes National Park Colorado

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How to Love: Legendary Zen Buddhist Teacher Thich Nhat Hanh on Mastering the Art of “Interbeing

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What does love mean, exactly? We have applied to it our finest definitions; we have examined its psychology and outlined it in philosophical frameworks; we have even devised a mathematical formula for attaining it. And yet anyone who has ever taken this wholehearted leap of faith knows that love remains a mystery — perhaps the mystery of the human experience.

Learning to meet this mystery with the full realness of our being — to show up for it with absolute clarity of intention — is the dance of life.

That’s what legendary Vietnamese Zen Buddhist monk, teacher, and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh (October 11, 1926–January 22, 2022) explored in How to Love (public library) — a slim, simply worded collection of his immeasurably wise insights on the most complex and most rewarding human potentiality.

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Thich Nhat Hanh.

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Click the link below for the article:

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/how-to-love-legendary-zen-buddhist-teacher-thich-nhat-hanh-on-mastering-the-art-of-interbeing

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How to set yourself free with ritual

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Ritual is not about stale traditionalism

When I first read Confucius, I was disappointed. He seemed like a stick-in-the-mud, obsessed with enforcing the status quo. ‘As for music,’ he grumped to his disciples, ‘listen only to Shao and Wu. Prohibit the tunes of Zheng.’

This was the great sage of ancient China, who wandered the country lecturing disciples and rulers on how to live? Maybe his approach worked 2,500 years ago. But for me, in the 21st century? I preferred living freely like the iconoclastic Daoist sages who mocked Confucius.

Central to Confucius’s teachings was submission to li (禮), typically translated as ‘ritual’. I wrote it off as more stale traditionalism. But then, while preparing a course on classical Chinese thought, I re-read the foundational collection of Confucius’s teachings known as the Analects.

It was a revelation. Cherrypicked passages such as the one about music were deeply misleading. Li wasn’t about fastidiously obeying fusty old rules.

No, this was a different kind of ritual. My default understanding of the word had misled me. What Confucius taught was life-as-ritual, the transformation of everyday actions into sacred activity. ‘When we say “the rites, the rites”, are we speaking merely of jade and silk?’ he asks rhetorically. The answer is no. Confucian ritual goes beyond formalized activities that require the proper use of jade and silk. Ritual is – or can be – part of all human activity. It governs greetings and conservations. It’s how you harmonize your life with the rhythms of the world. And if you take ritual seriously, submit to it, and practice it, then transforming your life for the better will go from difficult to effortless.

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https://epsilon.aeon.co/images/3e345f10-9659-43d0-8770-f0509a1b079e/900x900.jpgPhoto by David Gray/Reuters

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Click the link below for the article:

https://psyche.co/guides/how-to-live-free-and-in-harmonious-ease-with-confucian-ritual?utm_source=pocket_discover

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Missed News 918

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How to Talk to Kids About Hard Things: A Reading Guide

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Parenting is hardly all sunshine and rainbows. And neither is the world we all live in. Which is why stressful as it may be, it’s important to talk to kids about difficult topics in age-appropriate ways—and probably earlier than you think.

To help wade through the discomfort of addressing everything from death to climate change to sex, we turned to Emily Barth Isler, the author of AfterMath, a middle-grade novel about navigating grief; one that Amy Schumer has called “a gift to the culture.”

While the parents in AfterMath shy away from these conversations, Isler, a mom of two, takes a different approach, drawing influence from the famous Fred Rogers quote: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’”

Here, she walks us through tackling some of the tougher conversations with a similar approach: Find ways to draw kids in, activate their empathy, and encourage them to get involved.

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https://getpocket.com/collections/how-to-talk-to-kids-about-hard-things-a-reading-guide

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Micromanipulation: The Covert Tactic That Narcissists Use in Arguments to Reassert Control

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Eliciting sympathy and demanding attention are pretty common tactics in the course of your average relationship – but they become especially problematic when a narcissist is involved. 

“Micromanipulation” is one in an armory of emotional tools that narcissists typically use to regain control over their partners during arguments or a trial separation, according to an eye-opening new article on the topic.

Writing in Psychology Today, Professor Kristy Lee Hochenberger explains that “narcissists cannot accept the fact that another person does not want to be with them”. So, if they sense their partner is pulling away, they will go to extreme lengths to wrestle them back. 

Often this will involve direct manipulation – for example, threatening self-harm, which Hochenberger describes as a common and very scary response to someone wanting to regain control in a relationship that’s heading south. 

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https://pocket-image-cache.com/direct?resize=w2000&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.stylist.co.uk%2Fimages%2Fapp%2Fuploads%2F2020%2F09%2F07181934%2Frelationship-advice-1680x1120.jpg%3Fw%3D1200%26h%3D1%26fit%3Dmax%26auto%3Dformat%252CcompressPhotos by Getty Images/iStock

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Click the link below for the article:

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/micromanipulation-the-covert-tactic-that-narcissists-use-in-arguments-to-reassert-control

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Mozambique City

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Mozambique, officially the Republic of Mozambique, is a country located in Southeastern Africa bordered by the Indian Ocean to the east, Tanzania to the north, Malawi and Zambia to the northwest, Zimbabwe to the west, and Eswatini (Swaziland) and South Africa to the southwest. The sovereign state is separated from the Comoros, Mayotte, and Madagascar by the Mozambique Channel to the east. The capital and largest city of Mozambique is Maputo (known as Lourenço Marques from 1876 to 1976).

Between the first and fifth centuries AD, Bantu-speaking peoples migrated to present-day Mozambique from farther north and west.[citation needed] Northern Mozambique lies within the monsoon trade winds of the Indian Ocean. Between the 7th and 11th centuries, a series of Swahili port towns developed there, which contributed to the development of a distinct Swahili culture and language. In the late medieval period, these towns were frequented by traders from Somalia, Ethiopia, Egypt, Arabia, Persia, and India.

The voyage of Vasco da Gama in 1498 marked the arrival of the Portuguese, who began a gradual process of colonization and settlement in 1505. After over four centuries of Portuguese rule, Mozambique gained independence in 1975, becoming the People’s Republic of Mozambique shortly thereafter. After only two years of independence, the country descended into an intense and protracted civil war lasting from 1977 to 1992. In 1994, Mozambique held its first multiparty elections and has since remained a relatively stable presidential republic, although it still faces a low-intensity insurgency.

Mozambique is endowed with rich and extensive natural resources. The country’s economy is based largely on agriculture, but industry is growing, mainly food and beverages, chemical manufacturing, and aluminum and petroleum production. The tourism sector is also expanding. South Africa is Mozambique’s main trading partner and source of foreign direct investment, while Belgium, Brazil, Portugal, and Spain are also among the country’s most important economic partners. Since 2001, Mozambique’s annual average GDP growth has been among the world’s highest. However, the country is still one of the poorest and most underdeveloped countries in the world, ranking low in GDP per capita, human development, measures of inequality, and average life expectancy.

The only official language of Mozambique is Portuguese, which is spoken mostly as a second language by about half the population. Common native languages include Tsonga, Makhuwa, Sena, and Swahili. The country’s population of around 29 million is composed of overwhelmingly Bantu people. The largest religion in Mozambique is Christianity, with significant minorities following Islam and African traditional religions. Mozambique is a member of the United Nations, the African Union, the Commonwealth of Nations, the Organisation of the Islamic Cooperation, the Community of Portuguese Language Countries, the Non-Aligned Movement, the Southern African Development Community, and is an observer at La Francophonie. Wikipedia

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An image from Mozambique City

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(1) Mozambique City – Bing images

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My Plea for a Sixth Love Language

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The winner of our college essay contest explores how for her Syrian family, scattered by war, a WhatsApp group chat — rife with silly videos and often regrettable photos — is everything.

According to writer Gary Chapman, there are five love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, physical touch, and acts of service.

I would like to add a sixth — let’s call it “WhatsApp intimacy” — for people like my extended family and me who love each other desperately but, because of war, can’t be together.

We are from Syria. As a young child, I spent summers in Damascus — bouncing between my parents’ childhood homes and the apartment they bought when my brother and I were born — and winters in the U.S., where they had immigrated.

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https://static01.nyt.com/images/2022/05/08/fashion/08MODERN-COLLEGEWINNER/08MODERN-COLLEGEWINNER-jumbo.jpg?quality=75&auto=webpBrian Rea

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Click the link below for the article:

https://www.nytimes.com

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Parents who raise ‘confident, smart and empathetic’ children do these 5 things when their kids misbehave: Parenting expert

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As a parent, one of the most impactful things you can do is acknowledge your kids’ achievements and healthy habits. This is when you put your empathy muscles to work to encourage good behavior, self-confidence, and self-worth in your kids.

It’s important to accept, however, that no one is born perfect — your child will ultimately make bad choices. It’s how you handle and respond to the situation that determines whether or not they’ll make better decisions and develop healthy habits going forward.

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A toddler eating in a high chairD3sign | Moment | Getty Images

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Click the link below for the article:

https://www.cnbc.com/2022/06/01/parents-who-raise-confident-smart-and-empathetic-children-do-things-when-their-kids-misbehave.html?utm_source=pocket_discover

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