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When I was pregnant with my daughter, my husband and I were already discussing being “one and done.” We’re both the oldest of three siblings in our respective families and knew the stressors that multiple kids placed on our parents. Yet, the door wasn’t totally shut on having more than one child.
Until I lost my job when I was six months pregnant.
The unexpected financial hardship was overwhelming. We were preparing to move into a larger apartment and were shocked by the high prices of baby essentials. We were already concerned about affording a baby with two incomes, so losing one without warning was our worst nightmare. Although my career and our finances eventually recovered, it became clear that we could comfortably only afford one child, especially given the uncertain job market and economy.
In the 10 years since I’ve had my daughter, I’ve encountered more and more parents, particularly millennials, who are choosing to have only one child. This trend may contradict recent research on people’s ideal family structure: a 2023 Gallup poll found that 47% of U.S. adults believe one or two children is the ideal family size, while 45% prefer three or more children. What’s more, the preference for larger families (three or more children) is currently at its highest point since 1971.
But the reality of what it costs to raise a child in the U.S. today makes plans for multiple children unattainable for many parents. On a positive note, there’s a silver lining to having one child, even if you wanted more.
The Rising Cost of Raising Children
The fertility rate in the U.S. has steadily declined since the Great Recession of 2007, according to Kent Bausman, PhD, professor of sociology at Maryville University in St. Louis. This pattern has been consistent for both millennials and Gen Z (who entered prime childbearing age in 2015).
In the two decades prior to the recession, the fertility rate in the U.S. remained relatively stable at just above replacement levels, fluctuating from 2.08 in 1990 to 2.12 in 2007.2However, the fertility rate has fallen below replacement levels every year since 2010 and has continued a steady decline from 1.9 in 2010 to 1.7 in 2024.
Dr. Bausman believes structural factors, such as skyrocketing housing costs, rising medical expenses, and the high price of child care, are playing a significant role in the decision to have one child.
“Child care was not as substantial a portion of the household budget for baby boomers and early Gen Xers,” Dr. Bausman explains. “For many millennials, having multiple children feels financially impossible.”
Estimates suggest the annual cost of raising a child in 2023 ranged from $15,512.52 to $17,459.43. For families with multiple children, the estimated cost per child ranged from $12,350 to $13,900 per year. Dr. Bausman adds the cumulative financial burden of another child is often comparable to adding an additional mortgage.
Lack of support
The high cost of living and child care is compounded by the lack of paid parental leave in the United States.
“Women are participating in the workforce more than ever before and their participation is needed for our economy to grow at a healthy pace,” says Setu Shah, founder and CEO of Financial Doula. “However, without proper paid leave and affordable child care, many parents are unable to take the financial burden of raising another child due to the sacrifice they would need to make to their careers, income, and/or lifestyle.”
Child care can be more expensive than rent and in-state college tuition in many states.6 Shah says many families are dipping into savings, taking on debt, and cutting out other major expenses just to afford it.
A mental load increase
Then there is the mental load of raising children. The unpaid, and typically invisible, cognitive labor that comes from handling a household has only intensified in recent years. That’s particularly due to increased demands and societal pressures that are greatly fueled by social media.
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