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We live in a world where people get mad. Sometimes we’re the reason, so we apologize. Other times, we’re present as our spouse, friend, relative is angry. Rather than be pure witness, we want to help. Often, we tell the person “Calm down.”
Telling an angry person to calm down is simple and direct and about as effective as eating soup with a fork. The person doesn’t want to hear it because they can’t. Their limbic system has often hijacked the brain and when someone is in the fight-or-flight response, there’s no creativity, just a singular focus on the threat.
More than not getting through, those two words will most likely piss them off because the implicit message is: Your feelings are inappropriate and you can’t handle them.
“You’re usurping control and that escalates things,” says Jeff Bostic, a psychiatrist at MedStar Georgetown University Hospital.
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James' World 2 
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