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I help people decide if they want to have kids. Here’s my advice.

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“I’m afraid of losing my partner because he wants kids, and I don’t know what I want. I think I don’t want them.”

“I’m afraid of losing my identity, freedom, and comfort if I have children. Afraid of regretting it if I don’t.”

“I’ve always wanted to have a baby, but is it even ethical, knowing the environmental and political climate?”

“I need some peace and clarity from the torture of sitting on the fence for too long.”

This is just a sample of the questions, fears, and concerns I hear all the time from my clients. I’m a therapist who has dedicated my life to helping people figure out if they want to have children. I’ve been doing this for 30 years and have seen more clients than I can count of all stripes — men, women, single, married, and partnered people. People just out of a relationship and people just starting a relationship. People from ages 28 to 59. Our goal is to help people make possibly the biggest decision of their lives: whether or not they want to become a parent.

Most people who contact me say they feel like they’re the only one who can’t decide. I let them know immediately: They’re not the only one. Our society allows little room for ambivalence around this topic.

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Illustration of a person in a chair looking out the window at clouds in the shapes of a baby bottle, a teddy bear, a pacifier, and a rubber duck.María Hergueta

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Click the link below for the article:

https://www.vox.com/first-person/22370250/should-i-have-kids-a-baby-decide-start-family-parenthood-kids-childfree

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