James' World 2

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Alicia Johansen spent her childhood moving with her drug-addicted mom from one place to the next, trying to brace herself for the moment when the water and the electricity would get cut off. So at 22, when she had a chance to run Dolittle’s pool hall in the ranching town of Akron, Colorado, she was intent on making some money. She kept the bar open deep into the night, after the older guys who bet on horse races departed, and the truckers and the younger crowd, with the meth, drifted in. Meth, she soon discovered, helped her work longer hours.

An occasional customer was Fred Thornton, a former high school baseball star in his early 30s. Fred was sometimes a roofer and at other times unemployed and homeless. They began dating casually and using together, and he told her of his own complicated childhood: placed in foster care as a toddler, after allegations of neglect, and later adopted.

Alicia’s period was irregular because of the meth, which also dimmed her self-awareness. She was six months along before she realized that she was pregnant; a month after that, she woke up in pain. She had preeclampsia, which caused dangerously high blood pressure, and needed an immediate C-section. She was airlifted to a hospital in Denver, a hundred miles away. Her and Fred’s son, Carter James Thornton, was born on Aug. 6, 2019 — two and a half months premature, 2.5 pounds in weight, and, according to his lab work, exposed to meth and to THC.

That first week at the hospital, Alicia hovered over Carter, who was curled beneath a web of tubes and wires, before going home to get baby things. The third week, she and Fred visited their son and held him skin-to-skin. The fourth week, back in Akron, they faltered: They had no gas money for a return to the big city; they were bickering; they were high. On the fifth week, when Carter was stable enough to leave the neonatal intensive care unit, Alicia returned, but foster parents from Akron were the ones who took him home.

Carter’s drug exposure and his parents’ weekslong absence had triggered a call to child protective services and then a neglect case against Alicia and Fred in the juvenile court of Washington County, where they lived. To get their son back, the judge informed them, they’d need to take a series of steps laid out by the county’s human services department: pass random urinalysis drug tests, with missed ones considered positives; secure stable housing and employment; and make it to regular supervised visits with Carter. During the next three months, as the department steadily recorded Alicia and Fred’s positive drug tests and missed visits, none of their excuses were entertained, a hard line for which they would later be grateful. In December, they decided that if they wanted to raise their child together — and they did — they would have to get sober for good.

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Alicia Johansen and Fred Thornton with their son, Carter Credit: Rachel Woolf for ProPublica

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There are two distinct factions of parents on TikTok: those who will crack eggs over their kids’ heads for likes and those who are trying desperately to make sure the internet doesn’t know who their children are.

For the 35-year-old TikTok star who posts under the name Kodye Elyse, an uncomfortable online experience made her stop including her three children on her social media. A video she posted in 2020 of her young daughter dancing attracted millions of views and creepy comments from strange men. (She requested that The New York Times not print her full name because she and her children have been doxxed in the past.)

“It’s kind of like ‘The Truman Show’ on the internet,” said Kodye Elyse, who has four million followers on TikTok and posts about her work as a cosmetic tattoo artist and her experiences as a single mother. “You never know who’s looking.”

After that experience, she scrubbed her children’s images from the internet. She tracked down all of her online accounts, on sites such as Facebook and Pinterest, and deleted them or made them private. She has since joined the clamorous camp of TikTokers encouraging fellow parents not to post about their children publicly.

But in September, she discovered her efforts hadn’t been entirely successful. Kodye Elyse used PimEyes, a startling search engine that finds photos of a person on the internet within seconds using facial recognition technology. When she uploaded a photo of her 7-year-old son, the results included an image of him she had never seen before. She needed a $29.99 subscription to see where the image had come from.

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Credit…LINCOLN AGNEW

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Does it seem like every piece of health advice you get boils down to one of two things—diet and exercise? Or, every time you visit the doctor, they give you the same off-the-script speech about healthy lifestyle habits that are basically just “eat well” and “move more”?

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Of course, fitness and nutrition are fundamentally two of the best things you can do for your body. This is pretty undisputed. But there are other things you can do to improve your health, too—and some of them are actually really enjoyable (we promise!).

Take it from the communities around the globe known as Blue Zones—the regions where people live the longest, healthiest lives (identified by National Geographic Fellow and acclaimed writer Dan Buettner). Most of the individuals living into their 90s and beyond in these areas aren’t following the latest diet or running on a treadmill at a boutique bootcamp studio. They’re living well-rounded lifestyles that put a major emphasis on pleasure and joy.

“Even if you don’t reside in a Blue Zone, adopting these principles can have a profound impact on your health and longevity,” says Joy Stephenson-Laws, JD, founder of the renowned health education nonprofit Proactive Health Labs. She says we can all learn from these Blue Zone habits, and implement them into our own day-to-day. “By making simple yet significant lifestyle changes, anyone can follow the path to a healthier and potentially longer life,” she says.

Here are four Blue Zone-inspired healthy lifestyle habits for longevity that feel like anything but a chore.

1. Take it easy

“Downshift,” recommends Stephenson-Laws. “Manage stress effectively, as chronic stress can lead to inflammation and various chronic illnesses.”

None of the Blue Zone areas are in major metropolitan cities—and perhaps there’s a correlation between the pace of life and health. Perhaps it’s a bit of the “island life” state of mind. Aside from Loma Linda (a California suburb 60 miles east of Los Angeles) and Costa Rica, the other three Blue Zones are on actual islands: Okinawa, Sardinia, and Ikaria are all surrounded by water, separated from the hustle and bustle.

This isn’t to say that you’re doomed if you live in a city, but more to point out that a slower pace of life can contribute to your well-being. How can you slow down? Maybe there are commitments you can say “no” to, or ways to build more breaks into your days.

2. Embrace happy hour

If you don’t already drink, this isn’t your call to start—alcohol as an ingredient has no health benefits. But Blue Zone communities (except for Loma Linda, which is primarily comprised of sober Seventh Day Adventists) tend to imbibe before dinner with friends and family. An aperitif, if you will.

So if you do enjoy a glass of wine, have one at five rather than a late-night binge, says Stephenson-Laws. “Moderating alcohol consumption [can help you] maintain optimal health and avoid potential adverse effects.” What’s more, there’s plenty to be said about the longevity-boosting benefits of giving yourself a ritual that helps you to destress (see above) and find some camaraderie and connection, which leads us to…

3. Prioritize your social life

One of the best components discovered about the Blue Zone lifestyle habits? The sense of social connectedness. “Belonging is essential,” says Stephenson-Laws. “Building a supportive community, whether through faith-based services or positive social networks, contributes to a longer life.”

Put your relationships first—before work and other priorities. Investing your time in your family and building friendships can foster a sense of support, stave off loneliness, and give you greater purpose. “Surround yourself,” says Stephenson-Laws.

Ask yourself: What can you do this week—or right now—to improve your social health? It can be simpler than you think. Maybe invite someone on a walk. Schedule a catch-up call with a friend. Or introduce yourself to someone new at yoga class.

4. Find your happy

It’s easy to default into cynicism under the guise of “realism”—but it’s far more courageous to choose joy and optimism in spite of hurdles. “Embracing a sense of purpose and positive attitude [is a Blue Zone habit],” says Stephenson-Laws. “This can significantly contribute to a healthy and happy life.”

Though gratitude, optimism, and finding meaning aren’t necessarily the easiest things to implement right away, this formula can have a significant impact on your physiological and psychological well-being. And it’s free—no supplements or gym memberships required.

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Photo: Getty Images/Photo by Roo Lewis

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A few years ago, a beloved French bakery near my house closed and was replaced by a gym. So it goes with gentrification: Ease replaced by discipline. The new gym is part of the OrangeTheory chain, which is open only for classes, like a SoulCycle. It’s expensive, and the people I see coming out of there always look flushed and satisfied post-workout. I won’t make excuses or offer explanations. I’ll just skip to the part where I ended up joining.

At these gyms, you wear a heart monitor on your arm that is linked to a screen at the front of the room, on which everyone’s heart rate is displayed. Your name appears in a box that changes color from green to orange to red as your heart rate increases. The lights in the room are orange, and the music is incredibly loud. Every detail has been optimized for maximum motivation-juicing purposes. Previously, I had thought gyms like this were evil because exercise is supposed to be loose and creative, or something. I’ve changed my mind about that. I don’t have time for loose and creative workouts lately.

So there I was on a recent Saturday morning, having fully crossed over to the side I used to think I hated, and I was loving it. I was just getting into the second half of the class, my heart rate steady in the orange zone, when the trainer approached my rowing machine: “Kathryn, right? There’s someone here to see you.”

I looked up, and through the glass doors to the lobby, I saw … my 13-year-old son. He was in shower slides and pajamas, and he was holding my debit card up to the glass, beseeching me. Through the glass door, he mouthed: Can I use it? 

I gestured no with my whole body. I sent vibrational waves of no that, I was hoping, would be  palpable to him through the glass door. I frantically waved my hands for him to leave. GO, I mouthed, AWAY! He stood there for a minute, taking it in, and then he left. I looked up at the screen, and my heart rate was in the red zone. I was molten with anger.

What part of my parenting had failed to erect and maintain a boundary between my basically teenage son and my workout time? Why was there porousness there?! Where did he get the idea that he could interrupt my exercise class with a request like that?

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Illustration: Hannah Buckman

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When Massimo Scanziani’s daughter was young, he’d often see her eyes twitching beneath her eyelids while she was sleeping. These rapid eye movements (or REMs) are so obvious, Scanziani told me, that he can hardly believe that they were described just seven decades ago. In 1953, Eugene Aserinsky and Nathaniel Kleitman identified a special phase of sleep when neurons were abuzz and eyes were shut but flitting about. During this phase, now called “REM sleep,” people tended to have vivid dreams. Maybe, Kleitman suggested, the eye movements reflected “where and at what the dreamer was looking” in their virtual world.

Several researchers tested this “scanning hypothesis” in the ’50s and ’60s by waking sleeping volunteers when their eyes twitched and asking them what they had just dreamed. Perhaps unsurprisingly, these crude methods failed to produce consistent results.

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Tom Kelley / Getty

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The Phone Call

Esther Perel: What I understand so far is that you are in a transition. 

Caller: Very much so.

You are hoping to be able to reunite with your ex-wife. You were together for about seven years. 

Yeah, married seven and together 13.

Okay, and the last time you were in a transition, you had just had a new job, you had a child, you had a new house, and you let it all go. You fell in love with another woman. You instigated a rather expedient divorce. You have been with this other woman since, and at the moment of the next transition, which was to marry this new woman, you freaked out, and you realized that’s not at all what you wanted. 

Yeah.

And you were about to meet with your ex for the first time again as a date, not just as co-parents. 

She wouldn’t call it a date, but I did.

You called it a date. She called it an identity check? 

I guess you can say that she told me she wanted to see me, to see if it’s worth getting back into it.

And your big question is, Do I deserve this? You used the word redemption, which is a very big word, and as I was listening to your question, my first thought was, What does he mean by redemption? What is redemption for you? 

Redemption is winning her back. She’s always been my home, and I broke her in a very devastating way. I realize that my question is a little bit — I don’t know if convoluted is the right word because I know it’s up to her, really. But I’m having trouble at this moment even knowing that I deserve forgiveness.

That is a good question. Can I ask you, before then — talk to me about your experience of homelessness. 

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Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photos: Getty Images

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No one is better at taking two seemingly conflicting concepts and welding them into one shockingly popular trend than the users of TikTok, an app that has successfully combined desserts with skin care, perfume with gynecology, and salmon with ASMR. A major saga currently unfolding on the platform has called my attention to another contradictory phenomenon: Lunden and Olivia, a popular lesbian influencer couple who are blending gay pride with the well-tanned, preppy aura of a private golf club situated in the South.

Perhaps, given that entire vibe, the reason Lunden and Olivia made it in the news this weekend is not entirely surprising. They got married on October 1, only to immediately find themselves in hot water over the revelation that one of them had an old but startlingly frequent habit of tweeting racial slurs. How frequent, it’s now hard to tell, because both her Twitter (now X) profile and screenshots of its contents have largely disappeared from the internet. But, well, let’s take this one step at a time.

Sorry, but who are these women?

Lunden and Olivia Stallings (formerly Lunden Stallings and Olivia Bennett) are the 26-year-old owners and subjects of a popular TikTok account, @lundenandolivia, where they post adoring dispatches from their life in Georgia. Their content is by and large exactly what you’d expect from two southern white women influencing their hearts out online — shopping recaps from Sephora, breakdowns of their date-night outfits, GRWM videos: basically, an unending sorority rush week — except that, amid all the seersucker and starch-white knits, they are constantly kissing, holding hands, and appending the #lgbtq hashtag to their posts. One recent “day in the life” dispatch shows Lunden starting a packed day of meetings with a spiced vanilla fig Target candle, while Olivia embroiders their matching wedding pajamas. You get the idea.

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Lunden and Olivia in the now-offline apology video. Photo: @lundenandolivia/TikTok

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