A handful of years ago, some friends and I were all in the midst of a romantic drought. It had been so long since we’d felt excited about anyone that we started to worry that the problem was with us. Had we simply grown incapable of that kind of feeling? We imagined that our jaded little hearts might look like peach pits, shriveled and hard.
This was the era, though, when we started using the phrase glimmer of hope. Glimmers came whenever we felt a giddy kick of affection—maybe for a friend of a friend, or the bartender at our favorite place, or the pottery-class buddy at the next wheel over. The hope was that these crushes—which were rarely communicated to their subjects—signaled that our hearts might someday soften up and become, once again, hospitable to life. Anytime we glimpsed a light at the end of our tunnel of romantic numbness, we’d text one another: Glimmer of hope!!!!
These glimmers helped us power through the seemingly endless tundra of uneventful singlehood. Whether they were reciprocated wasn’t really the point. It was about the feeling: the sweet, hopeful rush.
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Illustration by Jared Bartman / The Atlantic. Sources: Getty; Rawpixel.
Asylum seekers have stretched New York City to its limits, according to Mayor Eric Adams, who described an “unprecedented state of emergency” this week as he called upon New York state and federal lawmakers and agencies to offer more support.
Adams’s office estimated that the city would spend $12 billion over three fiscal years to shelter and support the tens of thousands of migrants projected to arrive over that period.
A number of circumstances have converged to push people to New York City, including the end of Title 42, the health directive originally put in place under the Trump administration during the Covid-19 pandemic, as well as efforts by Republican Govs. Ron DeSantis of Florida and Greg Abbott of Texas to send people who have crossed the southern US border to states run by Democrats.
But many choose to come of their own volition; New York City has a right to shelter directive, which means the city has an obligation to shelter those who request it. However, a long-standing affordable housing crisis has also helped push the city’s shelter system to the brink, overwhelming facilities to the point that asylum seekers are already sleeping in the streets outside of shelters.
But even as Adams called on New York Gov. Kathy Hochul and Congress to provide more funding to care for asylum seekers and institute comprehensive immigration reform, Adams’s administration is seeking to amend the rules of the right to shelter decree, which would give City Hall the ability to suspend the right to shelter in some situations.
“This is one of the most responsible things any leader can do when they realize the system is buckling, and we want to prevent it from collapsing,” Adams said in late May when City Hall initially requested the changes.
Though Adams called Hochul and the state government a “partner” at a press conference Wednesday, it’s not clear exactly how closely the two governments are working together, given a recent court order seemingly designed to force the two parties to make a cooperative plan to manage the situation.
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Mayor Eric Adams speaks during a public safety announcement on gun violence at New York City Hall on July 31, 2023.Lev Radin/Pacific Press/LightRocket via Getty Images
Forgive me they were delicious so sweet and so cold
And so apologized William Carlos Williams, presumably to his wife, Flossie, in his 1934 poem “This Is Just to Say.” My own apologies tend to be somewhat less elegant, and certainly less worthy of publication. In my defense, however, I don’t directly repurpose my apologies as content for TheAtlantic, explaining to my wife before a large audience that although I have been an insensitive jerk for the millionth time, it was totally worth it.
Apologizing well, after all, is tricky. It requires personal strength, a good ear, and a fair bit of psychological sophistication, which is why so many apologies are unsuccessful. If you have something you need to apologize for—or if you would just like to be ready to deal with the fallout from your next screw-up—here is your primer on the art and science of contrition.
From a neurocognitive viewpoint, apologies are extremely complex, involving at least three distinct processes. First is cognitive control, because you are making a choice to say you are sorry even though doing so is difficult and uncomfortable, which involves the lateral prefrontal cortex. Second is perspective taking, which involves thinking about how something you have said or done was experienced by another person and putting yourself in their position, implicating the temporoparietal junction. Last is social valuation, the way you calculate how much your apology will help everyone involved as opposed to just yourself, which mobilizes the ventromedial prefrontal cortex.
Sometimes, it’s easier to tell a friend you like their mediocre gift or sugar-coat your feelings about their new love interest than share how you really feel.
It might not always feel great after the fact, but according to Gail Heyman, a developmental psychologist at the University of California, San Diego, learning to lie is a natural part of human development.
In one 2017 study from Hangzhou Normal University and UCSD, Heyman had toddlers play a one-on-one game with an experimenter in which the toddlers hid a treat under a cup while the experimenter closed their eyes. The children were told they could keep the treat if the experimenter did not find it. When the experimenter opened their eyes, they had to look under whichever cup the kid pointed to.
“So if the child pointed to the wrong cup, then the experimenter would pick the wrong cup and then the child would win the prize instead of the experimenter,” said Heyman.
Over the ten-day experiment, most of the young children figured out how to deceive the experimenters and win the treats. Heyman’s research suggests that we learn to lie early and can do so without any special instructions. But as we get older, and our cognitive abilities expand, our fibs become more sophisticated.
Jacquelyn Johnson, a psychologist based in Los Angeles, says that many of our white lies can happen reflexively and are motivated by our desire to preserve our sense of belonging.
Whether you’re in the middle of a deep slumber or tossing and turning in the early hours of the morning, a vivid dream can be a highlight of your sleep routine that you never expected. But as wild as dreams can be—fantastic adventures, terrifying nightmares, or really strange mysteries—they’re notoriously hard to remember when you wake up. If you’ve ever wondered why you can remember dreams that feel unremarkable and not others, you’re not alone.
“We remember dreams when we wake up during a dream for long enough to think about it for at least a few seconds,” explains Jade Wu, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in the department of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Duke University. “Often, we dream, wake up very briefly, and that dream is gone forever because we never encode the memory of it into long-term memory.”
Believe it or not, many of your dreams occur in the early hours of the morning, adds Wu, as dreams almost always occur during rapid eye movement (REM) sleep periods. Many often drift in and out of REM sleep periods, a type of sleep where eyes dart around without sending any information to the brain all while your heart rate and breathing quickens. These periods of sleep get longer and occur more frequently after we have fallen asleep and remained asleep for an extended period of time.
Usually, those who are dreaming in the middle of the night “are likely just waking up after an earlier bout of REM and remembering their dream,” says Wu. And most times, the dream is nearly instantly forgotten. Why? “We don’t encode dreams into memory the same way we do real experiences. There are fewer sensory details and contextual clues,” she explains. “We also have less time to transfer those memories of dreams into long-term memory, usually [with] just a few seconds or less, since that’s usually how long we’re awake in between REM and other sleep stages.”
Why can I never remember my dreams?
As we’ve learned, REM sleep (lots of eye movement and heart-pumping breathing!) often leads to vivid dreams—in fact, nearly 80% of all dreams take place during this memory-boosting period of sleep, says Rebecca Robbins, Ph.D., an instructor at Harvard Medical School and researcher at nearby Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston.
On an early July day, Amber Betts spent the afternoon in the community rose garden in Grandview, Washington. Several weeks earlier, invasive Japanese beetles had emerged in droves everywhere in Grandview, a town in central Washington’s Yakima Valley. The infestation had since quieted, but she still spotted a few insects: A cluster of fingernail-size iridescent green beetles, their coppery wings shining, were devouring a rose.
Unchecked, Japanese beetles’ numbers can skyrocket, and the insects can do extensive damage to plants, Betts, a public-information officer at the Washington State Department of Agriculture, told me. Cherries and hops, which collectively generated more than $800 million of revenue for the state last year, are among the 300 plants the beetles are known to eat. Although a population has taken up residence in Grandview, the beetles have not yet spread throughout Washington. Greg Haubrich, the manager of the pest program at the state’s department of agriculture, told me that officials are trying to eliminate the insect from the entire state. “We still do have a good chance of eradicating this,” he said.
The camera pans slowly across a close-up of crispy, golden McDonald’s fries, standing tall like ears of corn. “We used to think this was the best thing a plant could grow into,” a deep voice proclaims during the commercial. “And then we made this.” Into view emerges a glistening cheeseburger topped with lettuce, tomatoes, and pickles. “Introducing the new McPlant,” the narrator continues, “made with the first plant-based patty worthy of being called a McDonald’s burger.”
The ad, from early 2022, seemed like a sign that plant burgers had made it big. Six years after they arrived on the market, America’s biggest restaurant chain had endorsed them. The news garnered cautious praise from some environmental advocates: Not only could meatless meat patties reduce animal cruelty, but they also promised to ease climate change. They looked, tasted, and bled like beef but had none of the drawbacks — no cows that burp methane, no butchered animals, and barely any cholesterol.
By most metrics, plant-based meat has been a resounding success. Brands like Impossible Foods, Beyond Meat, and Gardein are sold in thousands of grocery stores and restaurants across the country. Dollar sales in the U.S. have tripled over the past decade. Ten years ago, you couldn’t buy fake-blood burgers anywhere. Today, they’re on the grill at Burger King, Carl’s Jr., and other restaurants all over the world. When Beyond Meat went public in 2019, its stock climbed more than 700 percent. The buzz was compared to that of Bitcoin.
Yet a tour of recent headlines suggests that something has gone awry. Last year, Forbes described a “lifeless market for meatless meat.” The Guardian asserted that “plant-based meat’s sizzle fizzled in the U.S.” A Bloomberg headline in January went further, declaring that fake meat was “just another fad.” As for the McPlant, McDonald’s erased it from its menu in the U.S. last August, less than a year after it started a trial run.
I (47 F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (50 M) for three years. I can make a long list of his good qualities, and my teenage children really enjoy spending time with him on occasion. I’m going to get straight to the “but.” Although we have been together for three years, I see him sparingly, as I am a single mom to three great kids. I mainly spend a night or two with him every other weekend while the kids are with their dad. Thus, I don’t really have the opportunity to know what he is like on a day-to-day basis. I probably see him on his best behavior. But I’ve had reason to question some things about him.
I think, but don’t know, that he drinks daily and probably too much. I expressed this concern to him, and he basically said he would take it into consideration, but I don’t see any change in his drinking. We have politically different views, which is fine with me, except his views are driven by anger and misinformation rather than logic and fact, such that I have had to tell him that we cannot discuss politics; we simply agree to disagree. Once, we were visiting some friends of his a few hours away, and he got drunk and told me that he thought I was flirting with another man and didn’t want me coming home with him. I ended up walking by myself at night through a city I didn’t know and taking an Uber two hours home. Last weekend, we drove a few hours to stay at the beach and once each on the way there and the way back, he had an instance of road rage so severe that he was driving alongside the other car screaming and gesturing. I felt so upset and unsafe. And I can’t stop thinking that he has jeopardized my safety on multiple occasions now.
But the instances are few and far between, and so out of line with everything else I know about him, so I end up letting them go. So, I am three years invested in this relationship. I feel like I would tell anyone else that this guy obviously has some issues and they should move on, but I have spent my whole life finding ways to justify and excuse others’ bad behavior—it’s my superpower and my kryptonite!—so I’m not confident about what to do here. I feel stuck and not sure which part of myself to trust.
—Determined to See the Best
Dear Determined,
Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Igor Vershinsky/iStock/Getty Images Plus.
There are plenty of fair criticisms of Christopher Nolan’s Oppenheimer. The film’s frenetic pace can make the viewer feel a bit like an Adderall-addled college student blitzing through the physicist’s biography before a midterm. The score veers toward the overwrought. Nolan finds a way to make a sex scene between Cillian Murphy and Florence Pugh into one of the least titillating things I’ve ever witnessed. At stake in the first two acts is whether Americans or Nazis will be the first to bring hellfire to planet Earth; at stake in the third is the outcome of an administrative hearing concerning the renewal of a national security clearance.
Despite these flaws, I think it’s a good flick. In an age when superhero sequels dominate box offices, the fact that Nolan managed to turn a three-hour history lesson about one of the 20th century’s most important nerds into a blockbuster is a real achievement and a boon to America’s cultural life.
Nevertheless, the aesthetic critiques of Oppenheimer have been largely reasonable. The political ones have been less so.
The film has taken fire from both left and right. Critics in the former camp have derided the film’s failure to center the experiences of those harmed by J. Robert Oppenheimer’s work, from Native Americans displaced by atomic weapons tests to Japanese civilians incinerated in Hiroshima and Nagasaki. They deem the film’s decision to withhold any images from the aftermath of those bombings to be cowardly at best and tantamount to a “glorification of mass murder” at worst.
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Photo: Melinda Sue Gordon/Universal Pic/Melinda Sue Gordon
Everyone likes efficiency: If you can simplify a task, especially a task you need to do multiple times every day, your life becomes that much easier. NFC tags can help you turn these types of repetitive obligations into simple automations, and you don’t need many tech skills to start. In fact, all you actually need is a smartphone and a tag.
What are NFC tags?
NFC tags are stickers with “near field communication” technology built in. You know NFC from services like Apple Pay or Google Pay: It’s technology that lets two devices communicate with each other quickly and instantly. Your smartphone has NFC, as do these tags.
Unlike a POS (point of sale) at the store, however, NFC tags are a blank slate: You won’t be using one to purchase a product (although you could probably program it to do that), but you can use NFC tags to do just about anything you can think of using your iPhone or Android, specifically automated tasks that can save you time and energy.
For example, this Instagram creator uses an NFC tag as a way to communicate with her partner whenever one of them feeds the dog. It’s a great use case: Whenever one of them gives the dog breakfast on their way out for the day, they’ll scan the NFC tag. Doing so triggers an automation on their iPhone to send a text to the other that reads, “The dog has been fed.”
Another example is for simple wifi sharing, at least on Android: When someone new comes over your house, instead of pointing them to a sign with your wifi information on it, they can hover their smartphone over an NFC tag (maybe outfitted with a wifi theme for easy identification), which will trigger an automation to connect them to your home internet.
How to set up an NFC tag on your iPhone or Android
Because of the seemingly endless possibilities with NFC tags, there’s no single universal guide for setting up NFC tags. If you have a specific task you have in mind, you’ll need to do some research to figure out the exact steps to make it work. However, there are some universal aspects about using NFC tags in general, so we’ll get you started.
Film and Writing Festival for Comedy. Showcasing best of comedy short films at the FEEDBACK Film Festival. Plus, showcasing best of comedy novels, short stories, poems, screenplays (TV, short, feature) at the festival performed by professional actors.
Illustration by Jared Bartman / The Atlantic. Sources: Getty; Rawpixel.
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Grist / Amelia K. Bates
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James' World 2 