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Funnies – Husband lies dying

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RECEIVED THIS IN AN EMAIL FROM A FRIEND

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A husband lies dying, with his wife by his bedside.
He says in a weak voice, “There’s something I must confess.”
“Shhh” says his wife, “There’s nothing to confess. Everything’s all right.”
“No,” the husband replies, “I must die in peace. I have had sex with your sister, with your best friend, with her best friend, and with your best friend’s mom!”
“I know,” she whispers. “That’s why I poisoned you, Now close your eyes.”

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Funnies – The trap! and Those Darn Pills!

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RECEIVED THIS IN AN EMAIL FROM A FRIEND

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The trap

A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her and having an affair with the Maid. So she laid down a trap.

One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend and didn’t tell her husband.

That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story: “Excuse me dear, my stomach aches”, and went to the bathroom.

The wife promptly went into the Maid’s bed. She switched the lights off. When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words but had his way with her.

When he finished and was still panting, the wife said: “You didn’t expect to find me in this bed, did you? ” And then she switched on the light.

“No madam,” said the gardener.

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THOSE DARN PILLS

The sex between the wife and me had been a bit unsatisfying of late, so she told me, “Go to the pharmacy and get some of those pills that will help you to get an erection.”

You can imagine her reaction when I came back from the drug store and tossed her the diet pills!

……darn near got me killed!

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