James' World 2

Check out the Emancipation movie with Will Smith!

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Do you ever hurt your own feelings?

For me, it’s a common occurrence. A curt reply to that thoughtful work email, zero responses to that happy hour invitation – little slights like these get my inner critic going. What a dumb thing to say! Of course, they don’t like you. Who do you think you are?

This kind of negative self-talk can get in the way of creating strong relationships with ourselves and others. But there are ways to stop this spiral of thinking, says psychologist Ethan Kross. In moments of hurt or confusion, pause to consider other possibilities.

In our episode on how to take things less personally, Kross, author of Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters and How to Harness It, says assessing the situation from different angles can help you avoid the unproductive thought loop that can prevent our ability to move on.

Maybe that coworker gave a short response to your email because they were on deadline. Maybe your friend simply forgot to push “send” on her response.

Maybe, just maybe, it’s not all about you – and that’s a freeing and wonderful thing, says Kross. Zooming out and changing your viewpoint is a great way to change that destructive internal narrative, he says.

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As couples age, they’re less likely to split up. Every decade of marriage makes you less likely to divorce.

Still, older people do not necessarily experience a till-death-do-us-part love fest.

America’s divorce rate among ages 25-39 is 24 per 1,000 individuals. It slowly drops from there: Those between 40-49 face 21 per 1,000 odds of divorce, while the 50+ crowd have a divorce rate of just 10 in 1,000.

But recent history is not reassuring for older couples. Their divorce rate has gradually ticked up since the 1990s.

Traditionally, the gender wage gap—with men earning on average more than women for full-time work—may have led some women to stick around in an unhappy marriage for financial security. The wage gap still exists, but more women in their 50s and 60s have accumulated their own financial nest egg that frees them to split up

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Some parenting experts don’t like to use the word “spoiled” to describe a child because it implies they’re somehow “ruined.” Some prefer the word “entitled,” with a focus on labeling the negative behavior, not the kid’s character.

According to parenting coach Amy McCready, founder of Positive Parenting Solutions, examples of entitled behavior might include “the expectation that things will be done for them, like the household chores, or awarded to them unnecessarily, like getting candy for trying one bite of broccoli or getting paid to do homework.”

“Entitled kids may also believe they are the center of the universe and that rules don’t apply to them,” McCready said. “They usually get their way and fail to show gratitude.”

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https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-to-unspoil-child_l_636a9cf3e4b04925c892014e?utm_source=pocket_discover_self-improvement

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“Whoa,” she said, “careful where you point that!” She looked at me in wonder, and I felt both proud and embarrassed. “Where did you learn to do that?”

I think of myself as someone who has always known how to do this — an intuitive seducer — but my friend’s question invited me to reconsider the origins of the impulse.

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Antoine Cossé

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https://www.nytimes.com

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In 1950, family dinner in America was a minefield of social rules. According to one etiquette film from that year, children were expected to arrive promptly with hair combed and faces scrubbed; daughters should have changed from school clothes to “something more festive.” Most important, conversation topics had to be chosen with care. Discussing financial issues, the narrator declared, was a hard no; so were long personal anecdotes, the mention of “unpleasant occurrences,” and any references to “disagreeable news.” “With your own family you can relax, be yourself,” the off-camera voice assured viewers. “Just be sure it’s your best self.”

For centuries, strict social norms dictated what people could politely talk about—and, consequently, how much they knew about one another, even those closest to them. Yet by the close of the 20th century, films like A Date With Your Family, the 1950 guide, had begun to resemble artifacts, detritus of a socially rigid era. Conversational taboos were falling away. Etiquette manuals had lost their cultural cachet. Sexuality was being more openly discussed, thanks in part to the sexual revolution of the ’60s and the efforts of HIV/AIDS activists in the ’80s and ’90s. And books such as Prozac Nation that dealt frankly with mental illness were trailblazing a new, raw form of memoir. In 2022, the idea that we should carefully control what personal information we share—and take in—might seem outdated, even dystopian.

Or maybe it doesn’t. Today, a disconcerting question seems to be on many people’s mind: Do we know too much about those around us? Advice columnists are fielding questions about how to protect against overshares, as well as what constitutes TMI (“too much information”) in the first place; psychology websites are advising readers on how to deal with “TMI-prone friends”; the personal-essay genre is caught in a never-ending discourse about its own self-indulgence; TikTokers are accusing their peers of divulging life details to the point of “trauma dumping.” As society-wide norms have loosened, individuals have taken on the burden of navigating their own boundaries—and it isn’t always easy. The result, it seems, is a new backlash against oversharing.

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Erik Carter / The Atlantic; Getty

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