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With each generation, parenting styles seem to undergo some sort of transformation. Gen X parents—who are often considered the first latchkey kids—focused on involved parenting (or in extreme cases, helicopter or stealth parenting), while 3 out of 4 Gen Y (or millennial) parents focus on gentle parenting.

Meanwhile, new research indicates that Gen Z parents are moving away from the approaches of their parents and grandparents and creating their own hybrid parenting style. They are focusing on cycle-breaking and cause-and-effect parenting—or a hybrid parenting style, depending on the situation. In fact, only about 38% of Gen Z parents with kids aged 0 to 6 years old use gentle parenting, according to a survey conducted by Kiddie Academy.

“The vast majority—or 4 out of 5—parents polled agree that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach when it comes to parenting,” says Casey Miller, CEO of Kiddie Academy. Most Gen Z parents, he says, aim for a hybrid approach that blends an average of three different parenting styles. 

Digging in to the Survey on Gen Z Parenting

Kiddie Academy surveyed 2,000 parents of children aged 0 to 6 years old and found that 54% of Gen Z parents prioritize preparing their kids for the real world, while their millennial counterparts focus more on supporting their children mentally and emotionally. Meanwhile, Gen Z parents feel gentle parenting only works for some situations.

“In general, younger parents believe parenting styles should be blended and used depending on the circumstances,” says Miller.

According to the survey, these younger parents are using a variety of new styles. For instance:3

• 37% are using cycle breaking (or healing generational trauma)
• 33% are using attachment parenting (or forming strong emotional bonds)
• 31% are prioritizing cause and effect (or real-world consequences)
• 20% are using child-led parenting

“Our survey also asked parents how they might manage real-life situations, such as if their child threw a tantrum in the car,” says Miller. “Forty-two percent of parents would pull the car over until their child calmed down, while 40% would wait until they returned home to provide consequences, and 34% would take their toys away for the remainder of the ride. These reactions blend the cause-and-effect parenting emphasis with a traditional authoritative parenting style for a hybrid approach.”

Overall, Miller says the shift away from gentle parenting is part of a larger trend of blending parenting styles and focusing on each individual child.

“Seven in 10 parents are choosing parenting styles based on what their child needs, as opposed to the 23% who are trying to make their preferred style work regardless of their child’s personality,” says Miller.

Where Gentle Parenting Might Be Lacking

Gentle parenting emphasizes empathy and respectful communication without harsh punishment, explains Cynthia Vejar, PhD, LPC, program director and associate professor of Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Lebanon Valley College.

The shift of Gen Z parents away from gentle parenting suggests less pressure to adhere to a single brand of parenting or to pursue labels. “Instead of chasing these types of labels, parents might instead focus on what kinds of behavior is most or least ideal in their household,” says Dr. Vejar.

Gentle parenting also may be unappealing because it can require a lot of emotional labor from the parent, says Lexi Berard, MA, AMFT, a psychotherapist with Life After Birth. To be effective, parents must have high emotional intelligence and strong emotional regulation skills, she says. In fact, one study found that more than one-third of “gentle parents” report burnout.4

“Gentle parenting is really hard, and some parents are finding themselves frustrated,” adds Berard. “A big misperception about this parenting style is that by acknowledging the feeling, you can avoid tantrums. This isn’t true. No parenting style completely avoids tantrums; it’s about how you as the parent respond.” 

Gentle parenting also asks you to be present with the tantrum, acknowledge the feeling, and wait for it to pass, she says. “I think many parents are drawn to other styles that tell them it’s OK to not sit in difficult, uncomfortable feelings, and don’t shame them for getting frustrated with their children,” says Berard.

‘Cycle‑Breaking’ vs. Hybrid Parenting

When parents take a hybrid approach to parenting, they often incorporate several different parenting styles in order to create their own unique version of parenting. At its core, hybrid parenting involves considering your family’s goals and values, as well as your temperament and your child’s temperament, and parenting in a way that makes sense for you and your child. 

“Hybrid parenting looks like holding two things at once,” explains Emily Guarnotta, PsyD, PMH-C, a licensed clinical psychologist, certified perinatal mental health specialist, and owner of Phoenix Health. “It’s considering your child’s feelings while also holding your boundaries.”

For example, let’s say your child is screaming because they want more screen time. “A permissive approach would be to give in and allow them to have more screen time,” says Dr. Guarnotta. “A hybrid approach acknowledges the feeling, but also maintains the boundary.”

As for cycle-breaking parenting, it requires parents to examine how they were raised, identify the impact it had on them, and evaluate how they would like to do things differently with their children, says Berard. 

Why Parenting Styles May Be Shifting

Boomer and Gen X parents were raised with more authoritarian and traditional approaches that emphasized obedience, respect for authority, and independence, says Dr. Guarnotta. But millennial parents were the ones to spearhead the gentle parenting movement in reaction to their own childhoods, she says.

“Gen Z parents are new to the conversation,” says Dr. Guarnotta. “They grew up seeing millennial parents document their struggles with burnout, and they want to find a place in the middle.”

What seems to be losing favor among younger parents is the notion that you need to stick to only one parenting philosophy. The idea that you have to be gentle 100% of the time is being replaced by a flexible, hybrid approach.

Dr. Guarnotta also says that this shift is not necessarily a rejection of gentle parenting, but an evolution of it.

“Parents today are asking, ‘What is sustainable and realistic for my family?’ We’re seeing a pushback against picture-perfect parenting and an emphasis on being authentic and considering parental mental health,” says Dr. Guarnotta.

The benefits of this model are significant, says Dr. Vejar, explaining, “Parents who intentionally reflect on family patterns are more likely to have a parenting style that is proactive and devoid of knee-jerk tendencies that are familiar and automatically passed down throughout the generations.” 

Plus, she says the combination of empathy and consistent consequences have a best-of-both-worlds approach. They integrate the strongest aspects of different parenting philosophies to avoid lopsided outcomes.

“However, there are risks when parenting styles become reactionary in nature—such as, ‘I resented my parents for doing X, so I’m going to do the opposite,’” says Dr. Vejar. “A balanced, reflective stance helps parents avoid swinging wildly from one extreme to the other.”

 

Parents today are asking, ‘What is sustainable and realistic for my family?’ We’re seeing a pushback against picture-perfect parenting and an emphasis on being authentic and considering parental mental health.

— Emily Guarnotta, PsyD, PMH-C

 

What This Means for Parents Today

There’s a lot of noise out there for parents. “We have Google and ChatGPT at our fingertips as well as influencers on social media telling us what to do, what not to do, and how small things can have massive impacts on your children (whether true or not),” says Berard.

She says it’s a natural response to be overwhelmed by this information overload and to respond by throwing your hands up and going back to what feels right, versus what others are telling you to do.

The beauty of a hybrid approach to parenting means that you have the permission to let go, adds Dr. Guarnotta. Take what works from gentle parenting and other parenting styles and leave the rest. Also consider your own emotional well-being, which is important for the marathon of parenting, she says.

“It’s more sustainable for parents long-term,” says Dr. Guarnotta. “It’s also clearer for children, as they are being given boundaries. And it’s authentic. It allows parents to be human without trying to be perfect all of the time.”

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Photo: Parents/GettyImages/Maskot

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