James' World 2

Click the link below the picture

.

I’ll never forget the moment the nurse asked me, “Are you ready to hold your daughter?” With tears running down my cheeks, I nodded.

It was nearly six years ago that I became a father, and I can say without a doubt that being a dad has made me a more emotional and well-rounded person. I never used to cry at a sad movie—not even Bambi’s mom got me! Now, I’m probably sobbing at 50% of Bluey episodes.

I certainly wasn’t the type to acknowledge, let alone have, deep, introspective thoughts about my emotions. I still have room to grow in that department, but my 5- and 3-year-olds have helped me improve tenfold.

While we often discuss how parenthood impacts mothers, too little attention is given to fathers and the changes they, too, face as they enter this chapter of their lives.

One father who recently discussed the topic is rapper and fashion icon A$AP Rocky, who spoke about parenting, among other topics, during a recent lengthy interview with W Magazine.

How A$AP Rocky Says He’s Changed Since Becoming a Father

The New York City native rose up through the rap scene in the early 2010s, blending fashion, innovative music trends, and pure confidence into a highly successful multi-decade career. These days, the 37-year-old rapper, born Rakim Mayers, is in a new era: fatherhood.

The rapper, who shares three children with fellow musician Rihanna, said that becoming a dad has caused him to let his guard down.

“I am way more emotional,” he told W Magazine, adding that before kids, he was “probably cold-hearted.” 

But now? “I’m a loving kind of fella,” he shared.

This is a noticeable change from the guarded persona that once defined his music and public identity. Fatherhood, he said, opened doors he didn’t even know were closed.

However, that doesn’t mean he’s lost his edge. When asked what he’d do if someone tried to date his daughter, Rocky said, “I’m going to pray for them.”

Jokes aside, Rocky’s perspective reflects a bigger evolution that many fathers experience for the first times in their lives. I’m no exception to that.

How These Changes Reflect My Own Experience

I wouldn’t say that I was necessarily emotionally guarded. It’s more that becoming a parent has made me realize certain emotional traits about myself I probably wouldn’t have paid much attention to otherwise.

For instance, I’ve always struggled with anxiety and, sometimes, a crippling need to be achieving something. Most people who know me well could tell you that. However, it was really put into a new perspective when I saw my children with my exact anxiety mannerisms.

I’m not exaggerating when I say exact. It was like going into a time machine to see a 3-foot-tall me having the same nervous reaction. This has helped me prioritize identifying when anxiety is taking over, or ideally, even before it gets to that point.

And conversely, I’m now more able to connect with my daughter and son. When I can see them going through that emotional anguish, I tell them I know how those butterflies in the stomach or weight on the chest feels. I’ve been there, and that’s OK, I say.

This is not a self-awareness I would have had without children.

So while I cry at movies more, and can help my kids work through tough emotional moments, becoming a father has made even more of a difference than that. It feels like my whole DNA has changed.

It makes sense, according to Zachary Barnes, PhD, a father of two and associate professor of literacy who researches self-regulation in children at Austin Peay State University. He adds that we need more fathers speaking up about the emotional demand of fatherhood.

“Being a father literally unlocks a part of your brain that deals with attachment. That is such a powerful thing,” says Dr. Barnes. “The moment I was able to hold my sons for the first time, I cried. And parenthood is all about meeting the emotional needs of your children. You are now practicing empathy every single day, and that will make you more emotional.”

How Other Fathers Can Embrace Their Own Emotions

Many fathers are probably caught off guard, experiencing this flood of emotions for the first time. I know I was. I did expect it to be a world-changing experience. But I definitely wasn’t expecting the waterworks. And I didn’t expect to feel the level of foundational pride and joy with every life stage my kids enter.

Aneal Bharath, an educational psychologist, former school counselor, and child protection officer, says that if fatherhood has “cracked you open in ways you didn’t expect, you’re not broken.”

“You’re changing,” Bharath says. “That emotional intensity isn’t weakness; it’s evidence that you care. Permit yourself to feel it. You’re not just raising children, you are reshaping what fatherhood looks like for them when it’s their turn, if they so choose.”

Like myself, Dr. Barnes says there are certain videos or TV episodes that he just can’t watch the same way now as a parent. The same is true with my social media habits.

Now, more than probably half of the accounts I follow online are dad content. That isn’t just for the funny and relatable TikToks, but also for the content creators who open up and discuss the hardships that come with day-to-day fatherhood.

“When we see those with big platforms talking about it, that is extremely helpful,” says Dr. Barnes. “I still think it can be hard for us fathers to talk about how we are feeling about fatherhood. The ups and downs. The happiest moments when your children walk for the first time, and the scary moments when you have to rush your kid to the hospital because of how sick they are. These experiences are all training your emotional capabilities.”

The emotional growth isn’t just a benefit for myself. Experts agree it’s also a huge gain for your family.

“That softer, more present, emotionally available version of you? That’s not a downgrade,” Bharath says. “That’s the dad your family actually needs.”

And it feels great to be the dad your children need. After all, that’s what it’s all about, right?

.

A$AP Rocky. Photo: GettyImages/Mike Coppola

.

.

Click the link below for the complete article:

.

__________________________________________