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Sometimes, being a leader means making tough calls—ones that aren’t popular, and sometimes even get misunderstood. You’ve probably heard the saying, “If everyone likes you, you’re not really leading.” Fair enough. But what do you do when you hear that no one wants to work with you?
Maybe it comes up in passing from a colleague, or maybe it hits harder in a 360 review. Either way, that kind of feedback can sting. It’s that gut-punch moment where you think, Wait . . . what? You’ve been putting in the work, prioritizing the team (at least in your mind), but somehow people aren’t seeing it. They don’t get the pressure you’re under, the decisions you’ve had to make, or why things played out the way they did.
Here’s the hard truth: Perception is reality. You might feel like you’re doing everything right, but if your team feels disconnected or frustrated, their experience is what matters most. It’s time to pause, reflect, and figure out how things veered off course.
No, it’s not fair. And no, you can’t fix it overnight. But you can make a plan to rebuild trust, reconnect with your team, and start turning things around—one step at a time.
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Yeah, this part’s going to be uncomfortable—but if you’ve heard that no one wants to work with you, it’s time to figure out why. You’ve got a couple of options. If you haven’t already done a 360 review, that’s a good place to start. Or you can reach out to a trusted advisor or mentor and ask for some honest feedback.
One thing you don’t want to do? March straight over to your team and start digging for answers. That’ll likely come off as defensive—or worse, accusatory—and it won’t help your case. Instead, talk to someone outside the situation. Ideally, someone who knows you well but isn’t directly impacted by your leadership style. You want perspective, not more tension.
I worked with one client who’s a strong, passionate leader, but sometimes that passion got the best of him. For instance, when his team would present him with ideas, my client would shout them down if he thought those ideas wouldn’t work. His team felt overwhelmed, and eventually, no one wanted to work with him. My client wasn’t aware of the pattern and had no idea his team felt so discouraged. His 360 revealed to him how much his reactions were demoralizing his team; my client learned to soften his delivery, slow down, and listen more.
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