James' World 2

Hmmmmm… Hood->Robin Administration?

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Gender expression can come in many forms, but for a kid I’ll call Sarah, it first came in the form of a pair of owl pajamas. They were soft cotton, with wide-eyed owls cavorting on a pink background, and at 18 months old, Sarah would wriggle her way out of her “boy” clothes and into the pajamas as soon as she got home from preschool, toddling back into the living room pleased as punch with herself. “She was so, so determined,” says Sarah’s parent Ingrid (who has asked in this article to go by her middle name). “Like, ‘No, this is actually what I want.’”

At age two, Sarah came across a rack of dresses hanging outside a store and tried to put one on right there on the sidewalk (“You look beautiful,” an older woman said in passing, to Ingrid’s relief). At three, according to Ingrid, Sarah began to “socially transition herself,” asking to grow her hair out, gravitating in the aisles of Target toward sparkly dresses in hues of Pepto-Bismol pink and to anything having to do with unicorns. In kindergarten, Sarah said she wanted to change her pronouns. In first grade, she said she wanted to change her name. Somewhere along the way, her parents went to see some specialists to ask for advice on how to handle what was clearly not just a phase: “We were like, ‘Well, this thing seems to be a thing. What do we do to not mess her up?’ And they were like, ‘Just give her space, make sure she’s safe, and let her lead.’ And so that’s what we’ve [done].” 

They also began to join listservs for the families of transgender children, tapping into a network of fellow New York City parents who had experience navigating some of the parenting concerns specific to raising a trans child. There were meetups and playdates and support groups. There was also information about medical providers and timelines. It was understood that not every trans child would want or require medical care — especially when it comes to a generation of children that, more than previous generations, understand gender to be both a spectrum and a construct. But it was also understood that trans kids were significantly more likely than their cisgender peers to die by suicide. A national 2022 study conducted by the Trevor Project, a nonprofit organization dedicated to LGBTQ+ youth suicide prevention, found that more than half of transgender and nonbinary youth seriously considered suicide in that year alone. Another study, published this past September in the journal Nature Human Behavior, linked those rates not to something inherent in trans identity but instead to trans acceptance in the broader culture: In states that passed anti-trans legislation, including bans on gender-affirming care, suicide attempts by transgender teenagers could increase by as much as 72 percent in the years after the ban went into effect. It stood to reason that for children who experience gender dysphoria, or distress over the disconnect between their biological sex and their gender identity, even offering them possibility of not having to grow into an unwelcome body could buttress their mental health. Sarah’s parents had noticed that each step she took in transitioning seemed to calm her, to make her more “settled,” as Ingrid puts it. As Sarah approached the age of puberty, they began to carefully broach the subject of what she could expect. “I mean, who wants to talk about puberty with their parents?” asks Ingrid. “We were just like, ‘You’re going to enter this thing called puberty pretty soon. Right now, your puberty will have you end up in a boy body, but there’s these different options. If you want to, we can pause it until you figure out if you want a girl body or a boy body.’” Sarah was adamant that she already knew: She was not a boy; she did not want to end up in a boy body. Her parents booked an informational appointment with the Transgender Youth Health Program at NYU Langone’s children’s hospital, one of the world’s most well-regarded gender-affirming-care practices at one of the world’s premier medical institutions.

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Lindsey Wasson/AP

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