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It’s only natural to want the best for your kid, but sometimes high expectations can lead parents to overcorrect their child’s behaviors. Some parents can strike a balance, but for others, it’s more challenging to notice that their parenting style may be more authoritarian and strict than necessary. 

To gain a better understanding of what strict parenting looks like, the psychological impacts it can have, and how to employ strategies for balanced parenting, we spoke with two psychologists.

Common Misconceptions About Strict Parenting

It’s a common belief among parents that being strict or authoritarian with your child is the most effective way to change their behavior. A 2022 poll found that around 36% of parents find their parenting style stricter than most.1

“To be fair, it can be very effective, in the short term,” says Dylan Ochal, MD, FAAP, pediatrician at Ocean Pediatrics, Orange County, California. Often, parents that tend to use more authoritarian strategies gain control in the short term, while sacrificing emotional connection in long run.

It’s common for children to quickly adjust their behavior when they’re scared or worried about consequences, which can lead parents to believe that employing a strict stance with rigid consequences is an effective way to modify a child’s behavior.

Some parents are motivated to employ stricter parenting methods due to parental shaming, a form of criticism that over 61% of mothers report experiencing.2 “You might have heard things like: ‘Are you really going to let him get away with throwing his food?’ or ‘Can you believe she’s letting her son scream like that in the grocery store? He’s out of control!’ That pressure can be overwhelming, but parenting based on external judgement won’t help you or your child,” says Dr. Ochal. 

9 Signs You’re Being Too Hard On Your Kid

1. Your tone is consistently harsh. 

2. You find yourself yelling regularly or resorting to threats when your child misbehaves.

3. Your child is withdrawing from activities they once enjoyed. 

4. You are concerned that without having certain rules in place your child would have an emotional outburst or not respect your authority.

5. You don’t consider your child’s perspective.

6. You have an excessive amount of rules, including rules for virtually everything in your home from meal time to bath time.

7. You consistently point out your child’s mistakes.

8. You only show love or positivity when your child is exhibiting good behavior.

9. Your child shows physical signs of stress like frequent headaches, stomachaches, or changes in appetite.

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