James' World 2

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We were just a couple hours outside of Billings, Montana, when we saw our first bison. It was a stunning, hulking, fuzzy, and otherworldly beast. My 9-year-old son Silas’ first comment was, “I can’t wait to tell my brother about this.”

Over the next four days, he mentioned his 2-year-old brother, Sunny, many times—to me, to our very tolerant Austin Adventures guides in Yellowstone National Park, to strangers we passed on the trail. “My little brother loves grizzly bears! My little brother is way too small to do this hike.”

He showed his baby brother’s photo to the friendly hotel bar staff once we were back in Billings enjoying happy hour at The Northern (milk for him, sage-smoked Old Fashioned for me): “This is my little brother. He’s two. He is going to be so jealous that I saw Old Faithful.”

Will his little brother indeed feel a bit jealous at this adventure we took without him? Probably. But soon, he’ll get a special mom-and-me trip of his own. And parenting experts say this is a great idea.

Perks of Traveling With Just One Child

Traveling with just one of your kids has several benefits, but the biggest might be uninterrupted quality time. “Solo time with a parent is critical for a child’s development, particularly in households with more than one child,” says Joy Kennedy, PhD, developmental psychologist and researcher with the Education Development Center. She explains that 1:1 time helps everything from bonding to language development, and ensures that each child gets the attention they need.

“This is something I have been recommending to parents for almost 20 years,” says Tammy Gold, LCSW, MSW, CEC, licensed family therapist, and parenting coach. She explains that while quality time with the whole family is crucial—whether that’s nightly dinners at home or an annual group trip to grandma’s house—“it’s also important to get one-to-one time with your children.”

Otherwise, “children might fight for attention or ‘air time’ or become covertly upset at the children getting the most attention,” she explains. Or worse, the quieter child—or if you have one child with a disability, the “glass child” sibling—can “become apathetic and give up trying to bond if there are other, louder siblings,” adds Gold. The last thing you want is for these children to feel there is no hope for special attention, she explains. Dr. Kennedy shares that, in her family, she needs to prioritize solo time with her younger child since her older one tends to dominate family conversations at home. In my family, it’s the opposite; my 2-year-old is wild and wonderful and loud, and my more easygoing and reflective 9-year-old can get a bit lost in the shuffle. This was the motivation behind our Montana trip: Letting Silas be the star of the show, once again.

Here are some other benefits of traveling with just one child at a time,

Travel tailored to their interests

Have you heard the Dylan Moran quote, “You can’t please everyone, nor should you seek to, because then you won’t please anyone, least of all yourself”? The same is true of family travel.

Going middle-of-the-road with all activities, trying to ensure it’s something all your kids enjoy, can be a recipe for a dull destination. Instead, “personalizing activities without any potential interruptions or changes that larger groups can inherently bring gives the parent and child more leeway to plan around what suits their needs,” says psychiatrist Doug Newton, MD, MPH.

This was part of why I chose Montana and in particular Yellowstone: Silas is an adventurer and wildlife aficionado and I knew he’d be floored by the opportunities to see and learn about bison, bears, osprey, and more—and to earn his Junior Park Ranger badge. Would his 2-year-old brother be even half as interested, or manage even half of our hikes? Nope. 

Independence and autonomy

“Spending time apart from other siblings can give kids a chance to feel independent and develop confidence as they exercise a bigger role in decision-making,” says Dr. Newton.

The day-to-day at home can often leave kids going along with the group or catering to a younger sibling’s needs. Twosome trips, on the other hand, give you as the parent the opportunity to ask your child: “What do you want to do today?” And then you can actually make it happen! 

Minimal conflict

I’m no stranger to multiple-child travel, which means I’m also accustomed to separating sibling spats on the road or in the air. “Stepping in to mediate conflicts and oversee relationships within the family takes focus away from quality time parents can have with individual children on a family trip,” says Dr. Newton.

A one-on-one trip, on the other hand, gives everyone a chance to have their own space and be heard as an individual.

Secure attachment

When parents can focus their attention onto one child for any amount of time, “it strengthens their attunement and overall connection. In turn, this strengthens secure attachment, a hallmark of positive outcomes in life,” says Stacy McCann, a licensed clinical mental health therapist and parent coach.

Of course, this is not to say that deep attunement and secure attachment can’t happen in multiple-child families that can’t swing one-kid-at-a-time

travel. It’s just that planning solo travel with one child will deepen what is already there. It gives each child a chance to communicate with their parents away from the chaos of sibling dynamics, “and experience awe in the world in connection with their parents,” says McCann.

Pitfalls of Leaving Your Other Kids Behind

While the benefits of parent-child trips like mine and Silas’ tend to outweigh the cons, there are some potential shortcomings to be aware of, including the following.

Other siblings might feel envious

Of course, one sibling embarking on an adventure with Mom or Dad may well bring out the little green monster in the other sibling(s). So make sure to establish an understanding among all your children “of why one-on-one time is important and why they’re not included, and to assure them that they will have individual time dedicated to them and their travel needs as well,” recommends Dr. Newton.  

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