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They’re Giving Scammers All Their Money. The Kids Can’t Stop Them.

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When Chris Mancinelli walked into his father’s home for the first time after the 79-year-old man died last summer, he stopped to look at family photos displayed on the refrigerator door. Near a crayon drawing spelling out “grandpa” in rainbow colors were photos of his father’s three granddaughters at a swimming pool.

But one image jumped out: a photo of Alexa Bliss, a professional wrestling personality.

Mr. Mancinelli’s father, Alfred, was completely smitten with the star — or at least with the con artist impersonating her. He was convinced he was in a romantic relationship with Ms. Bliss, leading him to give up about $1 million in retirement savings (and his granddaughter’s college fund) to the impostor and a varied cast of online fraudsters he interacted with over several years.

When Mr. Mancinelli tried to intervene, moving his father’s last $100,000 to a safe account, Alfred sued him — his loyalty was to “Lexi.”

“There was nothing we could do to convince him,” said Mr. Mancinelli, 47, a chemical engineer in Collegeville, Pa. An elder care specialist deemed Alfred “really sharp,” he said, but lacking purpose.

Mr. Mancinelli and others who have tried to awaken their loved ones from this trance often feel powerless, even after they’ve done everything to shatter the fiction and protect their assets. They say it’s as if their parent had been brainwashed into a cult.

In some ways, they were: These victims were slowly groomed by con artists posing as love interests, investment advisers or government officials, among others. Once ensconced inside this bubble, they are unable or unwilling to acknowledge that they have become victims. Even when their own children are warning them of the con.

“Romance scams are the most pernicious,” said Darius Kingsley, head of consumer banking practices at JPMorgan Chase. Some victims have become confrontational after being told that their wires were not going to lovers but were being used for nefarious purposes.

“They don’t believe it,” Mr. Kingsley added, which means banks may need to shut down their accounts if the behavior continues.

Americans lost an estimated $12.5 billion to online criminals in 2023, according to the Federal Bureau of Investigation’s Internet Crime Complaint Center, including $652 million in losses tied to romance and confidence scams. Many more go unreported.

Technology has put just about everyone in scammers’ cross hairs, but older Americans are disproportionately targeted for some of the costliest cons, often because they are perceived to have more money, to have less familiarity with technology, and to be potentially experiencing cognitive decline. Still, fully competent people fall for scams, too.

“For many people, what is going on is they are looking to fulfill an unmet need for companionship, an unmet need for financial security, an unmet need for a purpose,” said Marti DeLiema, an interdisciplinary gerontologist and assistant professor at the University of Minnesota’s School of Social Work, who researches financial fraud and exploitation.

Victims are often caught up in fantasies created by perpetrators, isolating them from their real-life existence and families.

That’s what happened with Alfred Mancinelli, who had already endured tragic losses in his life. He and his wife lost their first child to leukemia when she was 3; then, he lost his wife when their boys were 9 and 14, raising them largely on his own. Later, he was forced into early retirement from his position as an electronic technician for Con Ed, the New York power company.

Chris Mancinelli said his father had “opened his heart” with some of his scammers, which may have played into how he was manipulated.

Before the Alexa Bliss impostor, Alfred sent money to someone called “Kate,” who said she had a sick 4-year-old daughter. He also sent money to “Anna,” who was helping a friend caring for unwell children.

“I believe they crafted stories that pulled on those heart strings,” Mr. Mancinelli said.

Alfred’s involvement in scams dated back to 2018, but worsened during the isolating days of the pandemic. By the spring of 2021, his once $900,000 nest egg had dropped to $128,000. Mr. Mancinelli estimates that most of his father’s money went to one or more Alexa Bliss impostors — her persona is frequently used in scams — and what seemed to be a satellite of associates.

His chat messages with the sham Alexa read like a soap opera. There were the battles with his son, whom he disowned, after Mr. Mancinelli tried to safeguard his money; other “evil” meddlers trying to spoil their relationship; and ongoing references to Vince McMahon, the former wrestling promoter, whom the fake Alexa accused of humiliating her after she refused his advances. But Alfred was always there, ready to extend emotional and financial support.

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https://static01.nyt.com/images/2024/10/28/multimedia/SCAMS-PSYCHOLOGY-06-gjbc/SCAMS-PSYCHOLOGY-06-gjbc-superJumbo.jpg?quality=75&auto=webp“There was nothing we could do to convince him,” Chris Mancinelli said of his father, who lost nearly $1 million in savings to a cast of online fraudsters. Credit…Hannah Yoon for The New York Times

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