James' World 2

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From our earliest days, guys are overcome with urges that cause others to raise an eyebrow or shake their heads. As babies and toddlers, we instinctively and mindlessly twiddle our boy parts. When adolescence sets in, we impulsively jump up to smack every door jam we pass under. And when we reach fatherhood, something deep inside us yearns to throw our babies in the air playfully.

The paternal urge to toss babies is an outlier, as it runs antithetical to most parenting practices. Babies are securely buckled in car seats at the beginning of each road trip, even those just a couple of blocks in length, to pick up older siblings from school. They are gently cradled like footballs and strapped into chest carriers to keep them safe wherever we move about the house.

And yet, so many fathers at some point in time look their baby square in the eye, flash a big grin, employ their best baby babble voice, and gently give their baby a toss before making the catch and then asking some version of “Wasn’t that fun?”

The most generous reading of this routine is that it’s related to the paternal longing for rough-and-tumble play that kids grow to love. It’s the precursor to family wrestling matches in the living room and seemingly unending requests for dads to launch their kids across the swimming pool.

“When I was looking forward to becoming a dad, one of the things I was most excited about was playing with my kids and making them laugh,” shared Jacob, a father of three young kids who admitted to tossing at least one of his babies without incident. “But babies aren’t interactive at first, and occasionally, I’d give my kid a little toss out of this desire to have a fun connective moment.”

I actually don’t think I ever did a baby toss when my wife wasn’t in the room … So yeah, part of it was knowing that my wife would freak out…

But the adrenaline rush of the baby toss must inform our understanding of where this urge originates. Alex, whose son just turned 3, remembers the warm wave of excitement that came over him on the couple of occasions he gently tossed his son in the air.

“I wasn’t getting wild and crazy with the tosses. But I think so many aspects of life slowed down in the year after my son was born that the toss felt like a needed quick hit of stimulus,” he says.

There’s also an ornery side to the baby toss for many dads. They know it will garner a reaction from others — especially partners and spouses — making the practice a bid for connection. But, and this is the age-old question when dads attempt to deploy humor, is something truly funny if you’re the only one laughing?

“I actually don’t think I ever did a baby toss when my wife wasn’t in the room,”

Alex recalls. “So yeah, part of it was knowing that my wife would freak out a little bit, and we’d have an interaction that, in hindsight, I probably viewed as funnier and much more playful than she did. Having an audience also probably upped the adrenaline factor.”To be clear, the dirty looks, gasps, and even full-on freak-outs from worried parties are justified, especially concerning babies. Not only are guys notorious for overestimating their athletic prowess — in this case, their surehandedness under pressure — but babies are fragile. Perhaps one of the reasons the baby toss feels exciting is because, on a deep instinctual level, we know it’s dangerous.

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