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Communication with teens can be challenging. And receiving any sign of affection can also sometimes feel impossible, particularly after you say “I love you” to them, and you are met with just an aloof “K.” 

There’s a new way teens are communicating with their parents and loved ones that appears to be breaking the emotional barrier. (Maybe not fully breaking, but it is creating tiny little cracks in the facade.) 

It’s called “pebbling,” which is often used to describe a romantic relationship but has been crossed over into other types of relationships, including between parent and child. The term originated from the actions of gentoo penguins in Antarctica, who were observed presenting rocks to each other as a form of courtship. The rocks symbolized a desire to build a nest together.

Pebbling, in its current trending form, refers to little signs of love or affection that are gifted to a friend or a loved one that you think they would enjoy. It now often comes in the form of memes, GIFs, or social media videos that you would send to someone to help brighten their day. 

“Recently I learned that the act of sending your friends & family little videos and tweets and memes you find online it’s called pebbling, like how penguins bring pebbles back to their little penguin loved ones,” an X user recently wrote in a viral post.

There can be many pros to this, and experts say parents can also benefit from engaging in some pebbling with their kids.

Why ‘Pebbling’ Can Be Positive

If you’re wondering why kids are sending endless memes and videos via social media, you’re not alone. But in today’s world, experts say pebbling on social media has become a way for them to connect, strengthen interactions, and show affection.

Not only does pebbling feel good for the person on the receiving end, but it can also trigger a positive chemical chain reaction in the sender’s brain as well, according to Cameron Caswell, PhD, an adolescent psychologist and mom of a teen.

“When you perform a kind act, your brain releases dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure, motivation, and reinforcement,” she explains. “Feeling recognized and valued gives the receiver a surge of dopamine, too.”

Of course, there are also benefits when the affection is shown through a tangible object. “When you see the joy on the recipient’s face after receiving your thoughtful gesture, your brain releases oxytocin,” says Dr. Caswell. “This hormone fosters feelings of trust, empathy, and bonding.”

The more “good feelings” each party experiences, she says, the more likely they will repeat the act, “triggering the release of more happy hormones, creating a cycle of kindness.” Dr. Caswell recommends encouraging your teen to pebble others when they’re feeling down because it could be a powerful mood-lifter.

Parents can also do it. Something as simple as a little meme or a song could go a long way, making the bond with your teen more solid. 

My sister Francesca consistently participates in pebbling with her two teenagers. She said it is common to feel disconnected from her kids, who often see her as “uncool” or “cringe.” But she says instead of taking it personally, she has embraced the dynamic by sending self-deprecating memes and reels that poke fun at the parent-teen relationship. 

My kids might roll their eyes at first, but they always end up laughing and sending back funny responses,” she says. “It’s become a fun way for us to bond and keep the lines of communication open.” 

Dr. Caswell agrees. “Affection, in any form, is a vital building block for strong bonds with teens,” she says. “It shows you see them and care about them. A well-chosen meme or GIF can be a playful way to show you’re thinking of them.”

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