James' World 2

My 70-year-old father tells me he’s routinely startled simply by seeing his face in the mirror. “Who’s that old guy?” he thinks. Science shows he’s far from alone in this feeling.

I’m 43, so this formula says I probably feel about 35, and my father is likely expecting to see a less wrinkly and white-haired 56-year-old in the mirror. Sounds about right.

But what does science have to say about why this common pattern exists and what, if anything, you can do to change your subjective age?

How old do you feel?

It may be clear that most adults feel younger than they are. Why remains a bit of a mystery. This long Atlantic article from Jennifer Senior offers several fascinating possibilities, as well as great anecdotes from a variety of people about their own inner age.

One theory is that years rich in new experiences seem to make more of an impression on our brains. When we enter into maturity, we settle down and the years seem to count less, throwing off our internal clocks.

“Adolescence and emerging adulthood are times dense with firsts (first kiss, first time having sex, first love, first foray into the world without your parents’ watchful gaze); they are also times when our brains, for a variety of neuro­developmental reasons, are inclined to feel things more intensely, especially the devil’s buzz of a good, foolhardy risk,” Senior explains about a Duke neuroscientist’s theory.

More intensity means more memories, which means these years feel longer and weightier. Middle-aged routine adds less life to our internal tally, slowing our inner clock. This effect also may be why the tedious pandemic years seem to have fallen into a memory hole for many people and why time seems to speed up as we age.

But there are other theories too. Several people Senior spoke instead suggested their subjective age was frozen at a particular point because of a trauma they experienced, like the death of a loved one. A few “old souls” told her they felt older than their years. Meanwhile, cross-cultural studies show that people in societies that revere elders seem not to internally discount their years as much.

Can you change your subjective age?

There may be some broad patterns in how people settle on an internal age, but the process is clearly quirky and personal. There is no such thing as a “correct” subjective age. But that doesn’t mean you might not want to shift your own. If you’re feeling aged beyond your years by the stresses of being an adult and entrepreneur, are there ways to feel internally younger?