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One of our children’s deepest needs is to feel heard, and by listening carefully and expressing empathy, parents can help fill this need.
More importantly, research has found that if someone feels empathy, even if it’s just from watching a touching video, it can make them feel more connected to — and generous toward — others. In other words, practicing empathy with your kids can help them grow up to be emotionally intelligent adults.
This might not seem hard, but it is. If our kids aren’t doing well, parents often feel the need to be disapproving — otherwise, they reason, the kid will think they’re okay with the behavior.
Also, when kids are upset, their distress induces what’s called a “righting reflex” in parents, or the desire to fix whatever the problem is for the child by using logic. But logic doesn’t calm emotions — empathy and validation do.
Based on our 60 years of combined experience working with parents and their kids, here are some of the most effective ways to teach children empathy:
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