James' Funnies

Received These From A Friend


My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

– Jewish Irony: Passover canceled because of a plague.

– Many parents are just about to discover the teacher is not the problem.

– The first time in history we can save the human race by laying in front of the TV and doing nothing. Let’s not screw it up.

– Reminder: 9pm is the time to remove your day pajamas and put your night pajamas on.

– My cleaning lady just messaged to say she will be working from home and will send me instructions on what to do.

– We’re about two weeks away from seeing everyone’s true hair color.

– What’s worse: two masked guys trying to rob you or your unmasked pizza delivery guy?

– I’ve almost completed my 90 day trial…

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