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Think about the last time you said you wanted to do something. Maybe you wanted to eat healthier, write every day in a journal, or declutter your home. But despite your sincere desire to achieve the goal, you’ve gotten no further than a few steps along the path. Why not?
While you might be tempted to say it’s because of laziness or a lack of willpower, New York City cognitive psychologist and coach Amanda Crowell has another name for this phenomenon: defensive failure.
Crowell offers an example from her own life to illustrate. Growing up, she loathed exercising; she was fond of saying “I will run when a bear is chasing me and never before then.” This aversion “went on for another 34 years,” she says in a TEDxHarrisburg talk, “until I woke up one day with an infant … and a back that hurt all the time.” If she wanted to be the kind of mom she aspired to be — “a mother who can chase around her kids at the park or pick her kids up and swing them around,” as she put it — she needed to get in shape.
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