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Help! I Always Loved How Devoted My Boyfriend Was to His Daughter. But Now I See the Truth.

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Dear Prudence, 

My boyfriend and I have a toddler together and he has an 11-year-old daughter that lives with her maternal grandmother half of the time. Her mother is serving a serious prison sentence. My boyfriend tries to make it up to his daughter by fawning all over her when she is here—kisses, cuddles, and a constant shower of gifts.

Around our child, he acts bored and irritated. He barely interacts with our baby unless he has his phone in his hand. The only routine he does is bath and bedtime because I have night classes online. He claims that I am making stuff up and just spoiling our child. We had a huge fight because our baby had a growth spurt and needed new clothes. My boyfriend claimed he was broke until his next paycheck. The very next day his daughter came in with bags of new clothes from the mall! She just got an entire new wardrobe two weeks ago for the start of school. My boyfriend claimed he just found the money and that it wasn’t a big deal. I am dressing my baby and myself in stuff I find in buy-nothing groups and yard sales.

My mother never wanted me. She favored my brothers and treated me like a bother growing up. I never want to put our child through that. I loved how devoted my boyfriend was to his daughter. I thought he would be the same with our child. I can’t afford to leave. I take care of 90% of all the household chores. What do I do here? My boyfriend tells me I am acting as though I am jealous of his daughter. I am not. The difference between how he treats her and our child is like night and day.

—Worried

Dear Worried,

It’s clear to me that you are not “jealous of his daughter,” though I do believe you may be envious of the support she receives from your boyfriend. You don’t write anything negative about the child or about your perception of her, you focus on his behavior, and that indicates to me that the issue isn’t how much he gives to her, it’s how little you and your daughter receive at all. You don’t want to be treated like her, you want to be treated like he cares about you, and your child as well. Telling you he doesn’t have enough money to help clothe you, or your child, then “finding” enough to take his daughter on a shopping spree is a wild thing to do, and you deserve better.

Because you mention not being wanted by your own mother, and now this fear that your child will ultimately be rejected by their father, I think it might be useful to talk to someone, a therapist or mental health professional, who can help you process some of those lingering past hurts. When you grow up feeling unwanted, the hardest thing to develop is self-trust. But you can learn to trust yourself, and you can teach the same to your child. If the worst case scenario happens, and they are rejected by their father, they will have you.

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https://compote.slate.com/images/b459dec9-d847-4fdd-b730-292f9ecd6ed4.jpeg?crop=1560%2C1040%2Cx0%2Cy0&width=1280Photo illustration by Slate. Photos by Getty Images Plus.

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Click the link below for the article:

https://slate.com/advice/2024/09/boyfriend-spoiling-daughter-ignoring-child-family-advice.html?utm_source=pocket_discover_parenting

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John Denny, Buffalo Soldier, Congressional Medal of Honor

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John Denny, Buffalo Soldier, Congressional Medal of Honor

🔖 NOTHING IS STRONGER THAN A BROKEN MAN REBUILDING HIMSELF

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Throughout the rollercoaster of my recovery journey, navigating through highs, lows, twists, and turns, I’ve uncovered five key takeaways that resonate with the power of rebuilding: 1️⃣ Embrace the Adventure 🚶‍♂️: Life’s true essence lies in the journey itself, not just the destination. Embrace challenges and setbacks as they shape a stronger you. 2️⃣ Fall […]

🔖 NOTHING IS STRONGER THAN A BROKEN MAN REBUILDING HIMSELF

How to Lower Your Risk for Alzheimer’s

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Scientists are still learning about the causes of Alzheimer’s, but most agree that many factors contribute to an individual’s risk of getting the disease. Some risk factors, such as age and genes, are inescapable. Others can be modified with lifestyle changes, such as exercise and nutrition—in one study, participants were able to reduce their risk of getting Alzheimer’s by 60 percent. Although most risk studies focus on dementia in general, here are important findings about the known risk factors as they apply to Alzheimer’s.

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https://static.scientificamerican.com/dam/m/2bdd9a1e95f7a9e2/original/RiskFactorsForAlzheimersFeature_HeaderImage.png?w=900Joelle Bolt

https://static.scientificamerican.com/dam/m/243b75fedefc41c2/original/RiskFactorsForAlzheimersFeature_v5_d.png?w=1800Katie Peek and Joelle Bolt; Sources: Risk factor relative importance: G. Livingston et al., The Lancet, 396, 413 (2020); normal brain aging: “Alzheimer’s Disease and Other Dementias,” Mayo Clinic, 2020

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Click the link below for the article:

https://www.scientificamerican.com/custom-media/davos-alzheimers-collaborative/how-to-lower-your-risk-for-alzheimers/

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Do your boys fight with sticks, Nerf guns and fake swords all the time? Here’s why they do it

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As someone who has spent most of his professional life studying how children develop, I’m often asked by parents (especially mums) why children (especially boys) are prone to pick up the nearest stick, pencil, soft toy or even banana and turn them into weapons?

Girls certainly do this too. But research – and parents’ experience – shows you’re more likely to find boys using various objects as swords, guns or grenades to attack one another.

While some parents worry this is too violent, these actions do not mean you are raising a burgeoning psychopath. Rather, they are significant components of healthy development.

Playful aggression

Role playing is a key part of children’s play, when they pretend to be someone or something else. They can do this on their own or with others.

When they do it with others it is called “sociodramatic play”. This type of play teaches children both verbal and social skills while they interact with others.

Play fighting is one form of sociodramatic play. It can include rough and tumble play, chasing one another around, superhero play, wrestling and mock fighting. Psychologists call this “playful aggression”.

This kind of play is not about hurting anybody. Rather, it provides opportunities for children to explore their world with a sense of empowerment and control (because they set the rules) and to build relationships as they negotiate the play.

How does it work?

Imagine children are playing a battle with pillow forts and cardboard swords. This is not just a question of whose fort topples first. The game will require them to read facial expressions, express themselves and develop an awareness of power dynamics (or what researchers call “relationships hierarchies”).

Relationship hierarchies are complex, but focus on power and who is in charge. During episodes of playful aggression, this might mean taking control, giving in to someone else’s idea, or sharing power. These hierarchies allow children to make decisions about who they want to play with, who to avoid, or how to adapt their behavior to create friendships.

So relationship hierarchies play an important role in emotional and social development. They teach children how to get along with one another, how to make and play within a rule structure, and how to recognize the difference between playful and harmful behavior.

For example, other children’s reactions during the game will teach them that yelling and jumping may be considered fun. But rough pushing or deliberately breaking rules – such as turning into a killer dragon when everyone else has agreed to be tigers – is not OK and will make your friends unhappy.

Why do we see this more in boys?

You might be wondering why such behaviors seem to be more evident in boys than girls. Research shows boys (on the whole) tend to be more physical in how they play.

Their play often focuses on themes related to power and dominance and playful aggression is the perfect way to experiment with these themes.

Theories about sex differences in social play extend across many research areas including psychology, neurobiology, evolutionary psychology and anthropology. Current theories link these differences to testosterone and differences in neurochemistry.

There is some evidence to suggest boys and girls are socialized differently in relation to being physical.

However, the degree of influence is contestable, given sex differences in behavior appear very early in life and in other mammals. Perhaps the socialization process exacerbates nature – and as such, nature and nurture may be working in tandem.

The end result is still the same, with more boys than girls engaging in playful aggression.

When girls role play, it tends to focus on what researchers call “tend and befriend” or on people and nurturing. For example, games built around families or looking after pets.

But this is not to say girls can’t be aggressive. However, research suggests if girls fight, it is usually done with words to hurt someone’s feelings and children are upset with each other. It is not done for fun.

Perhaps this is why playful aggression can be difficult for some mothers to understand and appreciate.

But there is no link between playful aggression in children and being aggressive as an adult.

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https://images.theconversation.com/files/618351/original/file-20240910-16-aultvq.jpg?ixlib=rb-4.1.0&rect=0%2C485%2C3988%2C1994&q=45&auto=format&w=1356&h=668&fit=crop

Lipatova Maryna/Shutterstock , CC BY

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Click the link below for the article:

https://theconversation.com/do-your-boys-fight-with-sticks-nerf-guns-and-fake-swords-all-the-time-heres-why-they-do-it-237976?utm_source=pocket_discover_parenting

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Benjamin Brown, Buffalo Soldier, Congressional Medal of Honor

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Benjamin Brown, Buffalo Soldier, Congressional Medal of Honor

Stopping Alzheimer’s Before Symptoms Appear

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While there are plenty of things that teenagers worry about, dementia isn’t normally one of them. Yet one new major Alzheimer’s drug trial is recruiting people as young as 18 to answer what may be the most pressing question facing the field: Can the ravages of the disease be prevented by identifying those on track to get it and treating them up to 10 years before they show symptoms?

The recent arrival of drugs that slow the cognitive decline of Alzheimer’s in many people is a welcome breakthrough, but so far their efficacy has only been demonstrated in people with mild symptoms. By the time patients are diagnosed, their brains have already undergone extensive changes. But growing evidence suggests that taking the drugs well before that damage has occurred could significantly slow the disease and possibly even stop it in its tracks.

“Now we have drugs that can slow the disease by 30 percent or so in people with symptoms, but that’s not good enough,” says Reisa Sperling, a neurologist who heads the Center for Alzheimer Research and Treatment at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston. “We want to get to 100 percent, and that means preventing people from getting to the symptomatic stages.”

Earlier and earlier

In medicine, treating a disease when it is causing pathological changes in the body, but hasn’t yet progressed far enough to cause clinical symptoms, is known as secondary prevention. (Primary prevention is heading off a disease before there is any pathology, and tertiary prevention is managing symptomatic disease to slow the worsening of symptoms.) Secondary prevention has been essential to medicine’s triumphs in reducing the risks of death and disability for those with early heart disease or diabetes. Doctors don’t wait for someone to have a heart attack before prescribing a cholesterol-lowering statin or for someone to suffer artery or kidney damage before putting them on metformin to control blood sugar.

In 2023, the results of trials of lecanemab (brand name Leqembi) and donanemab on Alzheimer’s patients with mild cognitive impairment suggested that medicine may now have the tools to bring secondary prevention to bear on the disease. Both drugs are monoclonal antibodies that target the hardened clumps of protein called amyloid plaque that form in the brains of Alzheimer’s patients.

Although much is still unknown about the mechanisms of Alzheimer’s, there is little question now that the buildup of plaque precedes symptoms by many years. In the lecanemab and donanemab trials, the earlier patients were along the long road to plaque buildup, the better the drugs did in removing most of the plaque and slowing cognitive decline. “It’s when you remove nearly all the plaque with one of these drugs that you see the real benefits in terms of symptoms,” says Randall Bateman, a physician and professor of neurology at Washington University School of Medicine.

Because patients with even mild symptoms already have a large buildup of plaque, testing the notion that plaque-fighting drugs can be more effective earlier in the buildup process means enlisting presymptomatic patients for trials. “Studies are moving toward people who are just at the borderline for being positive for plaque and treating them to try to keep them from accumulating more of it and from having symptoms,” says Susan Abushakra, a physician and researcher who is vice president of clinical development and medical affairs at Alzheimer’s-focused biotech company Alzheon in Framingham, Mass.

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https://static.scientificamerican.com/dam/m/10562d4469742764/original/waterfall.jpg?w=900Joey Guidone/Theispot

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Click the link below for the article:

https://www.scientificamerican.com/custom-media/davos-alzheimers-collaborative/stopping-alzheimers-before-symptoms-appear/

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Instagram Launches New Teen Accounts—Will It Help?

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With growing concerns about the dangers of social media for adolescents, Instagram has rolled out Instagram Teen Accounts. It’s an attempt to offer more protection for the younger generation scrolling through the platform.

Starting today, any teen who signs up for Instagram—and teens already on the app—will automatically be placed under specific settings. The Instagram Teen Accounts also aims to allow parents to have more oversight and involvement in what their teen does on social media.

“These built-in protections really focus in on the biggest concerns that parents have raised,” Antigone Davis, Meta’s Global Head of Safety, tells Parents. “These include the content that their teen is seeing, the people with whom their teen is connecting, and the time they’re spending on their phones.”

So, what does that mean exactly, and will it have a positive impact on teens using social media?

What Are Instagram Teen Accounts?

All teens will be placed under several protective settings. Teens under 16 will need permission from their supervisor account—aka a caregiver—in order to change any of these baseline protections. Caregivers can approve requests from their own device. If desired, parents can also setup supervision for their kids 16 and above.

“We know that parents are interested in playing a more significant role in their teens’ lives online, from our consultation with them,” says Davis. “And so we’ve also built out some additional features within our supervision tools.”

Here’s what caregivers and their teens can expect:

  • Private accounts: All teens 16 and under will be placed in private account mode. This means only those who follow them will be able to view their content and interact with them. Plus, they will need to manually accept new followers. 

  • Stricter messaging settings: Teens will only be able to get messages from their current connections or people they follow.

  • Restrictions on sensitive content: New users under 16 will be placed in the “Less” setting on Instagram, while those already on the platform will be sent a prompt encouraging them to choose that setting. The “Less” setting aims to reduce the sensitive content a teen may come across while scrolling the app, such as through Reels, Search, Explore, Hashtag Pages, Feed Recommendations, and Suggested Accounts.

  • Interactions will be limited: People who teens follow will only be able to tag them or mention them. The “Hidden Words” feature will also be turned on. That filters offensive words and phrases from comments and direct messages (DM).

  • Break reminders: After 60 minutes of app use, teens will be encouraged to close it. Teens over 16 can extend this “Daily Limit” feature, while those younger will need parental permission.

  • Sleep mode: This is a new feature, and teens will be placed on “Sleep Mode” from 10 p.m. to 7 a.m. It replaces the “Quiet Mode” and “Night Nudges” features and will stop notifications at night. If caregivers want to prevent teens from using Instagram completely at night, they can do that through the supervision tool. 

  • Choosing topics of interest: This other new feature allows teens to see more content about topics they choose. They’ll start seeing those topics on Explore and in-Feed Recommendations. 

  • Monitoring of interests: Parents will also be able to see the topics their teen has selected to see more of. 

  • Tracking of teen messaging: Parents will now be able to see who their teen has been messaging, although they will not be able to read the messages.

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https://www.parents.com/thmb/gNXS1XEZ07ncMKyAkUMGHDaeKow=/750x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc():format(webp)/CopyofCelebrityBorderA-4812f62ff1ac479d8751535086dfea2b.jpgGettyImages/Richard Drury

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Click the link below for the article:

https://www.parents.com/will-the-new-instagram-teen-accounts-make-a-difference-8712248?utm_source=pocket_discover_parenting

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REAGAN (2024) – My rating: 8/10

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“Reagan” is a biographical drama directed by Sean McNamara and written by Howard Klausner. It is based on Paul Kengor’s 2006 book The Crusader: Ronald Reagan and the Fall of Communism. The trailers were interesting, so I ventured out to see what this movie was all about. An entertaining story of Ronald Reagan was painted, […]

REAGAN (2024) – My rating: 8/10

Thomas Boyne, Buffalo Soldier, Congressional Medal of Honor

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Thomas Boyne, Buffalo Soldier, Congressional Medal of Honor

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