James' World 2

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The recession has hit everybody really hard.  My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card offer in the mail.

CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.

My cousin had an exorcism but couldn’t afford to pay for it and they re-possessed her!

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

Received These Jokes From A Friend

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Until further notice, the days of the week are now called Thisday, Thatday, Otherday, Someday, Yesterday, Today and NextdayCan we uninstall 2020 and reinstall it again?…

Just asked a 6-year-old if he understands why there is no school.  He said yes because they are out of toilet paper.

After years of wanting to thoroughly clean my house but lacking the time, this week I discovered that wasn’t the reason.

Where is your next travel destination?

      – Las Kitchenas

      – Los Lounges

      – Santa Bedroomes

      – Porto Gardenas

      – Los Bed

      – Costa del Balconia

      – St Bathroom

      – La Rotonda de Sofa

You’re not stuck at home, you’re safe at home. One word can change your attitude and…

Click the link below the picture

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Here’s a little something to brighten your day while you are self-distancing

Do you remember ‘THE JUGGLER‘?

It’s worth another watch – even if you’ve seen it before.

They just don’t make them like they used to.

Only those of us over 65 would probably recognize the people in the front row

(Speaker of the House, President, and Senate Majority Leader).

I don’t think this would be possible in today’s Washington!

NOTE: You don’t have to be old (but it helps) to enjoy it!  
 
(Note the secret service behind the President trying not to laugh)

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The Juggler

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Click the link below for video:

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Some of these are old but what else are you going to do on this rainy start of your fifth week of isolation.

These glorious insults are from an era “ before” the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

Lady Astor: If you were my husband I would poison you.

Winston: If I were your husband I would drink it!

Lady Astor: You are drunk!

Winston: Yes and you are ugly.  But tomorrow I won’t be drunk but you will still be ugly!

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”

“That depends, Sir, “  said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”

“He had delusions of adequacy .”

-Walter Kerr

“He has all the virtues I dislike and…