James' World 2

Received This Email From A Friend

.

The recession has hit everybody really hard.  My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card offer in the mail.

CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.

My cousin had an exorcism but couldn’t afford to pay for it and they re-possessed her!

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

Received These Jokes From A Friend

.

Until further notice, the days of the week are now called Thisday, Thatday, Otherday, Someday, Yesterday, Today and NextdayCan we uninstall 2020 and reinstall it again?…

Just asked a 6-year-old if he understands why there is no school.  He said yes because they are out of toilet paper.

After years of wanting to thoroughly clean my house but lacking the time, this week I discovered that wasn’t the reason.

Where is your next travel destination?

      – Las Kitchenas

      – Los Lounges

      – Santa Bedroomes

      – Porto Gardenas

      – Los Bed

      – Costa del Balconia

      – St Bathroom

      – La Rotonda de Sofa

You’re not stuck at home, you’re safe at home. One word can change your attitude and…

Click the link below the picture

.

Here’s a little something to brighten your day while you are self-distancing

Do you remember ‘THE JUGGLER‘?

It’s worth another watch – even if you’ve seen it before.

They just don’t make them like they used to.

Only those of us over 65 would probably recognize the people in the front row

(Speaker of the House, President, and Senate Majority Leader).

I don’t think this would be possible in today’s Washington!

NOTE: You don’t have to be old (but it helps) to enjoy it!  
 
(Note the secret service behind the President trying not to laugh)

.

The Juggler

.

.

Click the link below for video:

.

__________________________________________

Received This Email From A Friend

.

Some of these are old but what else are you going to do on this rainy start of your fifth week of isolation.

These glorious insults are from an era “ before” the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

Lady Astor: If you were my husband I would poison you.

Winston: If I were your husband I would drink it!

Lady Astor: You are drunk!

Winston: Yes and you are ugly.  But tomorrow I won’t be drunk but you will still be ugly!

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”

“That depends, Sir, “  said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”

“He had delusions of adequacy .”

-Walter Kerr

“He has all the virtues I dislike and…

Received This Email From A Friend

.

The American Medical Association has weighed in on Trump’s Corona strategy: 

1. The Allergists were in favor of scratching it,

2. But the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

3. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it.

4. But the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

5. Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception.

6. While the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

7. Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!”

8. While the Pediatricians said, “Oh, grow up!”

9. The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness.

10. While the Radiologists could see right through it.

11. Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

12. The Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.

13. The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would “put a whole new face on the matter.”

14. Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas.

15. Those…

Received These From A Friend

.

*  Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

 

*   I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe.   

  *   I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

  *   Still haven’t decided where to go for Easter —– The Living Room or The Bedroom

  *   PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

  *   Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.

  *   I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we’d go from Standard Time to…

Received These From A Friend

.

My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

– Jewish Irony: Passover canceled because of a plague.

– Many parents are just about to discover the teacher is not the problem.

– The first time in history we can save the human race by laying in front of the TV and doing nothing. Let’s not screw it up.

– Reminder: 9pm is the time to remove your day pajamas and put your night pajamas on.

– My cleaning lady just messaged to say she will be working from home and will send me instructions on what to do.

– We’re about two weeks away from seeing everyone’s true hair color.

– What’s worse: two masked guys trying to rob you or your unmasked pizza delivery guy?

– I’ve almost completed my 90 day trial…

Hunters is a 10 episode Amazon Prime Video series that follows a diverse group of fictional Nazi hunters in 1977, who lives in New York City. The Hunters series is based on the premise that Nazi war criminals are conspiring to create a Fourth Reich in the United States. A parallel plot is also being explored due to a government operation that relocated German scientists, who are mostly Nazis, to the US under a maneuver called “Operation Paperclip”. Inspiration for this series came from real Nazi hunters throughout the decades.

**** SPOILERS BELOW ****

Episode 1: “In the Belly of the Whale”
Directed by: Alfonso Gomez-Rejon
Written by: David Well
Synopsis: The US Undersecretary of State, Biff Simpson (Dylan Baker) is hosting a BBQ when a new guest arrives and recognizes Biff as a Senior Nazi. She is shot dead as was everyone at the BBQ.  Jonah Heidelbaum (Logan…

Bad Boys for Life is an action-comedy. The film was directed by Adil & Bilall, produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, Smith, and Doug Belgrad. It is the sequel to Bad Boys II (2003) in the Bad Boys franchise. The film follows the Bad Boy detectives reuniting once again when someone starts murdering people involved in an old case.

When the widow, Isabel Aretas (Kate del Castillo) of deceased drug cartel kingpin, Benito is broken out of a Mexican prison, officials from police officers to judges are being murdered.  Meanwhile, Mike Lowrey (Will Smith) accompanies his partner Marcus Burnett (Martin Lawrence) to see his newborn grandson at a local hospital. There, Marcus informs Mike he intends to retire, as he is getting too old for the job and wants to share in his grandson’s raring.  A party is thrown celebrating the newborn (also named Marcus) after which Mike is shot…